Haunting Questions

Do you ever wonder why it is that the dragons in fairy tales always want to eat beautiful young maidens? Since we have countless stories of dragon requests to dine on princesses and other fair ladies of the land, we have to assume that beautiful women account for a significant part of their diet. But why is this? One would think that having young maiden for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and midnight snack would soon get a little monotonous. If I were a dragon I would certainly like to mix things up, like have perhaps some crispy bacon for breakfast, tender filet mignon for lunch, and perhaps even a brave knight with a side of baked potatoes and steamed broccoli for a hearty supper. But no, all the dragons one ever hears of only ask for young maidens to eat. Someone needs to educate their palate, and teach them to diversify their tastes. Dragons need to be taught that a most basic rule of nutrition is that you cannot get all necessary nutrients when you are only eating the same kind of food all the time
In addition, I have always wondered, how do such dragons make their requests known? According to most historical records, dragons are not usual well-versed in English or other common European languages, and most dragons have notoriously poor penmanship, so it is not likely that they are writing letters detailing their preferred menu. Do the kingdoms in fairy tales employ translators who are fluent in dragon-speak?
Also, why do the kings in these stories always bargain with the dragons? I have always heard that bargaining with terrorists is not a good political strategy, but that it usually causes more harm than good. Is bargaining with terrorists okay if the terrorists you are dealing with are hungry dragons? I do not know, and maybe I never will. All I know is that all this dragon stuff has me extremely confused.
By the way, why is the rum always gone?

A Few of my Favorite Things

          On evenings like this when I’m at home alone and the weather outside is frightfully cold and windy, it does me good to think about all the wonderful things in my life, and yes, the idea did come from The Sound of Music, although it’s been some time since I’ve had a chance to see that movie. So, here are a few of the things that I especially enjoy these days…

1.       Angel – I think it’s pretty much a rule that a husband has to top your list of favorite things. Even if it weren’t a rule, he’d probably still be number one for me. Sometimes I wish he wouldn’t forget things like his cell phone or wallet so often, but I love him anyways. And hey, I would probably have never had the adventure getting locked out of my car if it hadn’t been for him. I used to be deathly afraid of such a scenario, but now that I’ve survived it—twice!—with him, I realize that it doesn’t necessarily turn out to be such a tragedy. I love that he wholeheartedly believes that husbands must take their wives shoe shopping at regular intervals.

2.       My Family—every last one of them! From Mom and Dad, to aunts and uncles, to grandparents and baby sisters and cousins, and all the “adopted” family members I’ve picked up along the way! They’ve made life so interesting for all of my twenty years—even though I don’t remember the first few, I’ve seen plenty of pictures and videos. They’ve all supported me in my dreams of writing and my parents financed my cravings for craft supplies and unusual clothes long before Angel started picking up the bill. I think my favorite thing in the world would be to live with both Angel and my darling sister Anna, and have them fight over me all the time.

3.       Cowboy Boots—Angel didn’t buy these for me, but they’ve been my favorite pair of shoes for about three years now. They have the advantage of being both comfortable and attractive so they get worn a lot more than the others in my shoe collection who have either comfort or beauty to offer but not both. Lately I’ve been dreaming of a red and white pair to keep my rusty brown pair company.

4.       Books—During this long break from school, I’ve spent many an evening reading the night away. When I was a kid, I always thought that the supreme form of relaxation that I might achieve when I grew up would be to lie on the couch with some snacks and a good book and read for as long as I wanted to. Now I have achieved that, and, yes, it’s pretty much the most fun you can have when there’s no one around to play with.

5.       Photography—I don’t want to be a photographer, in any way, shape, or form. I like my small point and shoot camera and I wouldn’t want anything bulkier or of better quality. But I would like a personal photographer, because I love to look at good pictures—of me, my family, the outdoors, or pretty much anything. Angel isn’t much of a photographer; his preferred way of taking pictures is to point and shoot without focusing or making sure the camera is still…and without using the flash, even indoors in the evening. So, most of the pictures that we take are not what anyone might call good quality. I still love those pictures because of the good memories involved, though sometimes I do wish for an invisible photographer who could take perfectly composed and lighted pictures of all the interesting events of my life. In the meantime, I’m waiting for my brother, my favorite amateur photographer, to come and take some pictures for me.

6.       Indian Food—I don’t think it’s a coincidence that I think about heaven every time I eat chicken butter masala with naan bread. I’m pretty sure that God created chicken butter masala and naan bread as a tiny revelation of the wonders of the world to come. Okay, that may be heresy, but wait until you try that dish and see what you think! I’m pretty sure that there are lots of delicious Indian dishes, and I’d like to try many of them, but the problem is that every time I go to an Indian restaurant (which isn’t very often), I can’t  bear to think of choosing not to eat chicken butter masala and naan bread, so I never order anything else. If ever again I live in a place where Indian food is commonplace, I may be able to once again try out other dishes, knowing that the chicken butter masala will still be there when I come back the next day.

7.       Homemade Bread—It’s a good thing that I don’t get around to making it very often, because when I do, I usually polish off a couple loaves in as many days, without giving Angel much of a chance to help!

8.       Flowered Hair clips—I appreciate the flower hair clips that can be found at the mall or at craft shows lately. Currently my collection includes a white rose, a turquoise flower with feathers, a small purple flower, and two large flowers in different shades of pink. So fun!

9.       Dollhouses—It was a lifelong dream that came true when Angel bought me a fully constructed dollhouse that he found on clearance last year. It had been a model, or a “show house” for a kit that was discontinued, so the outside was totally finished, but nothing was done to the inside. In the months since, I’ve wallpapered and painted and laid flooring to my heart’s content, and also decided that my dream career is to be a dollhouse decorator when I grow up.

10.   At-home Manicures—I smile every time I look at my nails, which, since yesterday have been a pale turquoise overlaid with white glitter. Last week they were red with black polka-dots. Yeah, I do have a little too much time on my hands, perhaps.

MyDream

Have you ever woken up in a cold sweat after a terrifying nightmare? Do bad dreams leave you grouchy and prone to snapping at your family in the morning? Not anymore!

Introducing the MyDream pillow! Our innovative technology allows you to choose your dreams each and every night. Choose from hundreds of options on our touch screen remote control before you go to bed, and you’re guaranteed to dream only what you wish to dream! The patented device implanted in our luxuriously soft pillow emits electrical impulses while you sleep that affect the dream-making part of your brain, allowing you to be in control of what you dream.

*Cut to scene of an attractive blond choosing Shopping Spree out of a list of options on the touch screen controller, and later asleep on the MyDream pillow, with a contented smile on her face.*

You can personalize any dream option to create just the right dreams for you, or you can create a unique line-up of dreams for every night of the week! One of our most popular choices is Dream Yourself into a Movie—simply  choose your favorite movie and your favorite character, and you’ll spend the night dreaming that you are Aragorn, winning the kingdom and the girl! If you are in the mood for a night without any dreams, we can take care of that too, with the Dreamless Sleep Guaranteed option!

The MyDream pillow guarantees the most entertaining sleep you’ve ever had. You’ll never have a nightmare again…unless you want one! But you don’t have to take our word for it, listen to some who have tried it:

Edward, a Middle-Aged African American Man: “I sleep better with the MyDream pillow than when I was a kid! The ability to choose my own dreams each night is incredible.”

Vicky, a Brunette Mom of Four: “I bought MyDream pillows for all of my children, and now they can’t wait to go to bed! Bedtime has never been easier, which gives my husband and I some much needed peace and quiet before we turn in and enjoy our own MyDream pillows.”

George, a Veteran: “Before I got the MyDream pillow, I was plagued with nightmares of my days in Vietnam. Now I can sleep peacefully and dream whatever I want to!”

Call us today to order your MyDream pillow! Get one for $49.99, or two for $79.99. You’ll be glad that you invested the money in the most enjoyable rest you’ll ever have. But wait, there’s more! Call today between 11 am and 3 pm and we’ll even throw in this luxurious, hibiscus-patterned plush blanket, perfect for cuddling up with while you dream the best dreams you’ve ever had.

Terms and Conditions apply. MyDream pillow is not recommended for people with pacemakers, liver problems or insomnia. MyDream is a registered trademark of AGRMSPSC Inc.