Staying Cool this Summer

I’m sitting at my desk in my work room, slowly melting. I’m eating the Häagen Dazs lemon sorbet that Angel bought on sale a few days ago—it is melting rather more quickly than I am. Side note: I would have had no idea how to spell Häagen Dazs had I not looked at the container right in front of me, but then again, who would?

It’s pretty hot here, as it is in many parts of the country. But unlike many people, I can’t complain. It’s not that I can’t complain because I have something wonderful like air-con in my house—because I don’t. Rather, I can’t complain because 1) complaining about the heat was specifically against my parent’s rules when I was growing up and 2) I don’t like complainers or complaining in general. It’s really from a practical standpoint; does saying “It’s so hot!” bring down the temperature a degree or two? No, then why bother? Everyone else feels hot too!

Besides, I can’t help but remember what happened to the Israelites when they complained. Okay, they complained many times and endured many different consequences but one consequence that I found especially terrifying was when they got bitten by snakes. That right there is a good enough reason to avoid complaining. Are you being bitten by a poisonous snake? If you are, get medical attention immediately. If you're not, don't complain.

So, I can’t complain, and I don’t want to, really. But days like today are the days that I resolve to install ceiling fans in every room of the house I will one day buy. No matter how hot it gets, I’m quite convinced that as long as you have a good ceiling fan, you’ll be all right. American homes have far too few ceiling fans—something should be done about that!

Without further ado, tips for staying cool this summer:

1. Wear cotton dresses. These are the best! I'm not fond of shorts in general, but besides that, denim is not your friend right now!

2. Have a water fight. Some people say they take a couple showers a day to cool down. This isn't a good option for me because I hate taking a shower and refuse to take more than one a day. But a waterfight is okay. I just have to wait until Angel gets home from work today so that I have someone to fight with!

3. Don't cook. This is hard to execute, but if you can avoid cooking, I recommend doing so. Yesterday I baked chicken in the oven while boiling pasta on the stove and the kitchen became so hot as to be uninhabitable by members of the human species. I guess I need to go out and buy sandwich supplies.

4. Eat an entire 14 ounce container of  Häagen Dazs lemon sorbet in one sitting. Normally I wouldn't recommend this or do this myself--but seeing that I just finished my sorbet, we're not dealing with normal situations right now, are we?

Do ya'll have any further advice on beating the heat?