SOCIAL MEDIA

12 September 2012

Do I Regret Getting Married?

I met a new girl at my cosmetology school yesterday. As part of our get-to-know-you introductions, she asked what high school I went to. I said, "Actually, I've been out of school for a few years now--I'm married and I'm 21, so a little older than some of the other students here."

Which is true because most of my classmates are new graduates from high school.

The first words out of her mouth were, "Do you regret getting married so young?"

Now, I found this a very strange thing to say to someone that you just met. Personally, I can't imagine many situations where I would want to ask someone if they regretted their current marriage. I laughed it off and said, no, that I loved being married, that I'd do it all over again if I could.

She persisted, "Do you feel like you've missed out on life since you got married young?"

No--I think I gained a lot of life experiences and have had far more adventures with Angel than I would have been brave enough to attempt on my own. Getting married meant that I had to grow up quickly, of course, but there's nothing wrong with that! Immaturity is rarely a desirable trait.

As she asked, and I answered, I thought to myself--how sad it is that a young woman like this girl looks at the idea of marriage and clearly finds it to be something like a prison, something to be regretted. But, in all likelihood, what else has she seen of marriage? Nearly all of my classmates' parents are divorced, and few of my classmates are on speaking terms with both parents at the same time.


However, I know and I believe that God didn't create marriage to be a relationship characterized by brokenness, by regret, and by the feeling of being trapped and missing out on life. What can I do, with my tiny bit of marriage and life experience, to be a witness to my younger classmates and show them that marriage can really be something awesome? That's what I'm wondering right now.

In basic fact, within the last two days, Angel took me out dancing, took me to lunch, and bought me a bag of Skittles at the dollar store. I'm spoiled rotten! What I feel like saying is that, through marriage, I got a best friend to live with, a permanent date, a sugar daddy, a dance partner, an accountant (he does the taxes), and a personal-sized, energy-efficient heater for all the cold winter days--and who could argue with a deal like that? Even on the days when Angel and I are frustrating each other--what I have there is the opportunity to rely on God and learn how very weak and sinful I am, and realize just how much I need the work of the Holy Spirit in me! (Those days are good ones for praying, I can tell ya!)

It breaks my heart to hear 18 and 19 year old girls saying, "I'm never getting married, I couldn't stand to live like that" as if marriage itself is an undesirable lifestyle. In some cases, divorce may be necessary, but unfortunately, the divorces and the broken marriages of our parents' generation have created a generation of young people who aren't at all convinced that marriage can be a good thing. Some who I've met even seem afraid of marriage. And all we younger, married people can do is try our best to show them that marriage can be good.

30 comments :

  1. Two thumbs up and a big high five for this post! Marriage isn't always a cakewalk, but it's MORE than worth the work and it's meant to be a beautiful thing, created by God. It's sad that so many young people either see it as a prison - something to be afraid of - or something that is fun for a while, but when it ceases to be "fun" (CONSISTENTLY fun), divorce is immediately on the table. I have friends that are in their 30's and STILL see marriage as a prison, something to avoid, a way they'll end up being "controlled" by a man. It's sad.

    I think that just by showing how happy you are and how much you love your husband, you'll be a great witness to the girls you're at school with!

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  2. Good good stuff! You may have just planted a seed in that girl's heart that will hopefully sprout and become a beautiful blossom of awareness that marriage is an amazing thing! I totally agree-- there are days that are great for praying! Yet overall, when God is your marriage's foundation, the good far outweighs the bad. It's pretty awesome. That class is blessed to have you be a part, Rachel!

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  3. I know how you feel, I'm older than most of my college classmates. I also feel like it puts a strain on how we socialize. Some of them don't care, but then a lot of them kind of put you in a "boring" category. Anyways, life wouldn't be as fulfilling without my best friend. My husband makes all the things I could have done as a single gal so much more enjoyable. Life isn't as fun when you don't have a partner in crime that also happens shares a home with you that is full of love.

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  4. this is SUCH a great post Rach! i'm so thankful God has put you there to showcase how beautiful marriage really can be:) AND...I was cracking up at the part where you talk about Angel as your heater!!! OMG...I feel the same way about Kevin! I'm not longer freeeeeezing when I got to bed at night, it's the BEST! haha love Katie

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  5. I love this! I didn't know that we are the same age! When is your birthday if you don't mind me asking? I think marriage is a beautiful thing. Then again, my parents are still married after 22 years, so I guess having that helps.

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  6. So true my friend, so true! I think you'll totally be a light in their worlds and pretty soon they'll be able to say, " I want a marriage like that!"

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  7. wow! I love this! My parents are divorced and I seriously couldn't imagine my life without my husband! Continue to show them what a real marriage should look like! :)

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  8. I'm engaged and will be married a few months after I turn 22 and people give me looks like "What are you doing with your life?" when I tell them that. I could not agree more with every point you made. Even my mom says (though she does approve of my marriage) "You should travel and live your life before you get married and settle down." Well, Mom, maybe I want to do that with the man I love.

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  9. This is a great post and you are SO right! It is so sad that our culture sees marriage in such a bad light now and that so many kids come from broken homes. I think you and Angel are so lucky to have had all this time together; it's a blessing! I hope you helped her see that!

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  10. Having kids is definetly maturity growing and that right there could bring a different type of blessing and joy. Being just married feels like freedom! Don't worry about being different or the only one married, you are older and you have the Holy Spirit to guide you.

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  11. I actually lost mybest friend when I got married at 19. She just couldn't understand why I would want to "miss out" on the kind of life she had... College, guys, drinking, drinking, and more drinking... It made me sad too. I got that a lot. But I wouldn't have changed it either!! Love your dress :)

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  12. I was one of those girls once upon a time. So glad the Lord can change our hearts and desires to match his. I've been happily married to "my heater" for almost twelve years.

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  13. Great post! And missing out on life? Oh nooo....Being married enhances life! :-)

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  14. Haha, I'm on the opposite side of the camp to that girl. {i.e. yours!} But they still look at me weird, as I suppose they do you, when I say I'd rather get married and be wife/mamma/homemaker-extraoidinaire than use the degree I am studying for. :) I hear you girl!

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  15. SO AGREE! I got that a lot too, like what do you want to get married so young? Don't you want to travel? Don't you want to live a little? I don't understand why they ask that, yes of course I do! But I want to do that with my best friends...why would I want to do that alone? Life is so much better with your best friend!

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  16. Hey there! Found you through the community link up and loved this post. I got married at 20 and boy did that turn a lot of heads. Anyway, I'm a new follower. Hope you'll come say hi!

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  17. Oh, I agree. I get to go to sleep with him at night, hang out when we want and when I am saddened by an empty nest one day, I still will get to spend the rest of my life with this man. I couldn't be more delighted! I even write here about how I feel free in my marriage: http://heavenlyglimpses.blogspot.com/2012/02/what-freedom-really-looks-like.html

    Thank you! Loved this post!

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  18. What a beautiful post! I was married at 21 and wouldn't change a thing either. :)

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  19. Hey. You are so right, it is so sad to hear how young people (even our married friends) talk about marriage in general. Such a misunderstanding of how God intended marriage to be. Happy to have found your blog.

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  20. I was in a similar situation when I went to Cosmetology school. I was married at 20 and started school at 21 with a lot of younger girls/boys. I absolutely wouldn't change being married early, but when its right its right. New follower from the weekend blog walk.
    Hailey
    www.lovelaughterandlipstick.com

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  21. Sorry I'm commenting on, like, everything you've ever written -

    It's really wonderful hearing someone else has the same experiences I have had, even if those experiences are terrible. This what we heard from many members of our family and a lot of the other college students we meet during our engagement and now after we're married. It's so, so sad. And it's really difficult feeling like there isn't anything solid that you can do to show them that life doesn't have to be the way that they perceive it must be. We too are just trying to live out the Gospel and hope that other people can see hope for marriage in our relationship, if not now then one day (3 months doesn't give us much cred ;) ).

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  22. Found you through the blog hop - I love this! I'm 22 and married and it was the best decision I've ever made. Breaks my heart when people are so down on marriage. Thanks for writing this! New follower!
    peace&love, Jill
    Favor the Brave

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  23. Girl, I've had this conversation so many times with people. I completely understand! Getting married is one of the best decisions I've made. I'm so grateful to have gotten married so young. I think it's also so different when you're in a Christian relationship and you know God brought you together. It totally changes your outlook on marriage and family when the world sees it as tying yourself down.

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  24. Such a great post. What a refreshing, encouraging, inspiring, and call to action post on marriage. It is devastating the reaction to marriage you were confronted with, but you handled it so well. I love that you called your husband a "personal-sized, energy-efficient heater." heheh. Way to go for being a Godly woman and example to quash those heart breaking stereotypes. So glad I visited this post. I was a lil' worried with the teaser on the year in review post. I planned on coming over here to encourage you and build you up! :) Have a great New Years!

    Falen
    www.upwardnotinward.com

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  25. This is a wonderful post!! I got married when I was 20 (in 2010!) best decision of my life, we've had our rough patches but hey they were totally worth it! It irritates me that women of all people have a double standard as to how a woman should pursue life. If you're studying for higher education, then "she will never find a man, when are you gonna have kids...etc..." and god forbid if you decide you want to stay home and take care of your family then its "she has no ambition, if she was gonna stay at home why did she spend seven years of her life getting a Ph.D., etc..." No one can be happy for you just because YOU'RE happy. Anyways sorry about the rant, it's good to find people who are in a similar situation as yourself. I hope the both of you have a wonderful life ahead!

    Nissa
    www.nissazaididesigns.blogspot.com

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  26. I think it just depends on the individual. I got married at 24, which is still pretty young, but I was out of college and living on my own by that point. I love the experience I had of living on my own, having my own apt, etc., so I am glad I didn't get married earlier. But of course, if I'd met Jordan (my husband) earlier, I probably would have wanted to get married earlier! I'm glad you don't regret it, though :)

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  27. Beautiful post! So sad to hear that young girl views marriage as such a trap.

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  28. Your writing always makes me smile. Yes, having personal-sized heater and permanent date make marriage a great bargain! I got engaged at 20, I think, and I was so self-conscious about what people thought. Because people LOVED to tell me what they thought. Strangers, classmates whose names I didn't know during rare group tasks (I remember one incident in my marriage and families class, of all places, and my response makes me cringe because I gave them exactly what they wanted: my self doubt). People were straight up telling me what a horrible idea getting married at such a young age or at all was. The people saying this were sometimes married themselves!

    I think I read this post at a perfect time. It makes me reflect on how all the ways that I was scared my life would change negatively from marriage never came to pass. That makes me think that all my fears about being a mother one day might be unfounded, too. Not a bad idea to chew over.

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  29. Great post! A lot of my friends are pretty iffy about marriage and were "weirded out" when I got married haha

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  30. I remember someone in college telling my best friend that she should date other guys instead of staying with her HS boyfriend. That way she could experience life and not be tied down. My friend thought that was crazy. They ended up getting married and have two gorgeous kids and have been married 7 years now. It is sad that people look at marriage like it's a horrible thing. I, like you, love being married!

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