How to Write a Sponsor Call Post

Once upon a time, I googled "How to write a good sponsor call post" and nothing came up. Actually, approximately 92,600,000 results came up, but after intense research, none of them looked promising. So I decided that I'd write my own do's and don't's:

Do's:

• Do include random pictures where you look especially cute/seductive in order to flirt people into sponsoring  your blog. 
• Do offer realistic prices for the service that you're offering. My price is currently $7 for a one month, 200x300 ad that includes me reading your blog and directing my readers towards posts of yours that I like.  
• Do offer something different than what everyone else offers, if you want to stand out from the crowd. For example, I don't invite my sponsors to guest post on my blog, but I do actually read my sponsor's blogs and write about them. If they are paying me, why should I make them do all the work?
• Do make your reader laugh--and if possible, make the post interesting enough that even people who don't want to sponsor you want to read the post.

Dont's:

• Don't threaten not to blog anymore unless people start sponsoring. The most likely response will be "Fine. See if we care!"
•  Don't offer more than you are prepared to give. I cannot guarantee a certain number of readers or clicks if you advertise with me, but I can guarantee one good one (me!)--plus the use of my genius writing skills to promote yours.
• Don't ask for sponsors every day for the last week of each month. This strategy may make a greater number of people aware that you accept sponsors...but it's just going to annoy even more of your regular readers.
• Don't start out your monthly sponsor call with, "I started *insert name of blog* just a few short months ago at the suggestion of a friend, and it's already grown beyond my wildest dreams." If you really, really want to, I guess you can. But I wouldn't recommend it. To the rest of us, it sounds cliche and somewhat unbelievable. I've never once had a friend tell me to start a blog, though I've had quite a few friends ask me, "What's a blog?"

And here's your seductive picture. Now you may all go to my sponsor page to buy an ad through Passionfruit. That is, if I was convincing enough.