SOCIAL MEDIA

02 January 2013

Is Marrying an Old Man Right for You?

I got married fairly young by today's standards. Angel, not so much. How could this be, seeing as we got married at exactly the same time? I was 19 at the time, but he was 26. Yep. He's 7 years and 4 days older than I am.

To put that in perspective...

If Angel was 19 when he graduated from high school,

I was 12 at the same time.

But Angel doesn't like to remember that part. He prefers to think of it as, someday, when he turns 30, he'll be married to a 22 year old for the four days before I turn 23. And he considers that something to be proud of. Why, I'm not entirely sure.

But today, I thought I'd share the advantages and disadvantages of marrying a guy significantly older than you are.

Pros:

  • He may have much more experience and expertise in certain areas of adult life than you do. In our case, Angel already knew how to do taxes and deal with electric companies and mechanics, stuff that I'd never had to do before.
  • He is allowed to rent cars and be approved for credit cards when you aren't old enough yet.
  • He will probably go gray before you do. For us, I think it's likely, because Angel already has about 23 gray hairs more than I do. Of course, I have about 186 more blue hairs than he does, but that's beside the point.
  • You can get married young without the inconveniences often associated with young marriage. I know of many couples who are both young when they marry, and subsequently have to both try to finish college at the same time, while working enough to make a living and pay tuition. I was still in college when we got married, but Angel had already graduated and was working in his field, so we only had my education to be concerned about.
Cons:
  • Lack of shared history. Angel is much more of an 80s and 90s child than I am. When we visited an exhibit about pop culture through the decades at the Henry Ford Museum--Angel had fond memories of all sorts of technology, toys, movies, and singing groups that I had no real life experience of. He remembers watching all three Lord of the Rings movies when they came out in theaters. I didn't watch them till about 5 years after the first one came out, because I was a little young for their PG-13 rating in 2001. By contrast, High School Musical was popular during my high school years, and I had to educate him about that piece of my culture.
  • This would only be a con in Angel's perspective--but if you marry a teenage wife, you can't have alcohol at your wedding reception. Of course, since he was marrying into my family, no matter how old I was, we still wouldn't have alcohol at our wedding. But at the time I leaned heavily on the reasoning that you can't have alcohol at a wedding where the bride is underage.
  • If we live according to the average American lifespans, he'll die significantly before I will. :(
So there, for your information, are a few of the pros and cons associated with marrying a cradle-robber. Ya know, just in case you're ever trying to make such a relationship decision, I thought you should hear the truth from someone who's done it.

Random fact: I made a list of all the reasons why it would be a good or bad idea to marry Angel in order to  look closely at each one and make an educated decision on whether I should marry him. I'm a cold, cold woman....but judging by this picture from last night's dance outing, I'm pretty happy with my choice.


38 comments :

  1. Great post!

    My fiancee is 7 years older than me as well. I'm 26 and he's 33, and we're great together. I definitely couldn't see myself with someone "younger" I'm an old soul. I watch TCM, listen to Billy Holiday and Frank Sinatra, and my car radio is always tuned into NPR. And, I was doing all of these things BEFORE I met James.

    It was hard trying to date younger guys, because they just didn't have the same interests and goals in life. They wanted to go clubbing, and I wanted to go to the library.

    You made the right choice. You and Angel certainly appear to be happy together. At the end of the day you can only do what makes you happy. You're the only one who get's to live your life.

    p.s. that picture of the two of you is adorable!

    Reese

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  2. Wonderful post.

    That last photo is adorable!

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  3. What if you are both old when you marry? I am 25 and the love of my heart is 27 :P

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  4. you all are so adorable together! it's nice seeing how you feel about it, considering that a lot of articles these days seem to be about like, a 30 year age gap.
    patrick and i are one month a part so we have the exact opposite experience. but then again, the mere fact that i was homeschooled and raised in the city and he went to public school and was raised in the country still make our worlds COMPLETELY different. and then there's the whole, i'm black, he's chinese/hawaiian/white thing, haha.
    i think the bottom line is work through the difference for the one you love! and i think that you and angel are a beautiful display of that

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  5. To me age is irrelevant, you two look blissfully happy and I think that makes it perfect!
    Ginny
    mynewfavoriteoutfit.blogspot.com

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  6. My husband is 8 years older than me, I was 22 when we got married, he was 30 :) I totally get what you said about the lack of shared history. Often Claudio remembers the stuff that my Dad talks about!

    Love the picture of you two together!

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  7. My husband is 5 years older than me. I like to bring up stuff like you were graduating high school when I was still in 7th grade. It makes me laugh.

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  8. Does this make *me* the cradle robber? I was 26 and Isaiah was 23 when we got married. It still slightly weirds me out that he's turning 27 in a few weeks...and I'm turning 30 in a few months. Thankfully he's not a typical 26/27 year old...maturity-wise, that is. ;)

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  9. This is hilarious! Bob is 8 years old than me...and I always remind him of it! He'll say stuff like "This song came out with I was a senior in high school." To which I throw back, "Haha, I was 10." He's not a fan. :)

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  10. My husband's only three years older than me and we still have a bit of an age culture gap. It's so weird that he doesn't know how cool Digimon were.

    I totally laughed when you said you're a cold, cold woman for making a pros and cons list. I'm glad the pro side won out.

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  11. Love it! You're married to exactly who you needed! My hubby is almost 27, and I'm 23 so it's not THAT different, but he's still my old man :)

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  12. What a cute post. I always thought I'd marry a much older man, and dated boys 4 or 5 years older than me in high school and early college. My husband turned out to be less than 1 year older than me, and we got married at the respectable young ages of 22 (he was ALMOST 23).

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  13. Oh I love this! James is about 4 years older than I am, but it certainly doesn't seem like it! Except he does have a little more experience than I do.

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  14. I have nominated your for a Liebster Award! Check out this blog post for details: http://mothersheavenlyarmor.com/2013/01/02/ive-been-nominated-for-a-liebby/

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  15. Age is just a number. Love is what counts although I have no clue why a twenty year old would marry a fifty year old but it's all what the heart tells you.

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  16. Definitely more pros to marrying an older man! My hubs is 4 yrs older than me and it has worked out in a lot of the same regards. You two are adorable and would have married if you were the exact same age or 20 yrs apart.:)

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  17. Thanks for sharing this perspective. I married someone older too only 3 1/2 years but older in other ways. I went to college at 18 he had kids and a wife first and so we lived life backwards for the last decade, but we can't say we aren't a better pair!

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  18. I've always thought marrying an older man was a plus ;] My parents are nine years apart, and Chris and I are four years apart. Than again, I know other successful relationships with no age difference or with younger husbands. Love's flexible like that, I guess :]

    P.S. Yay for 80s and 90s kiddos! lol.

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  19. This is pretty interesting for me to read since my husband and I met in high school and always wonder how it works for people who didn't! We picture the same pep assembly when we hear a certain song, liked a lot of the same movies/music around the same time, etc.
    7-8 years seems to be a magic number though because I know a lot of happily-marrieds who are that far apart!

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  20. Wow, I can relate to your pros and cons so much! Eric is 8 years older than I am, and your #1 in both your pros and cons sections are so spot on! Overally, I don't think about our age difference much, but I am glad that his age comes along with wisdom and experience. Great post. And your last photo is adorable!

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  21. It depends on the age difference. For instance, hugh hefner and his soon to be wife case is one that needs thinking.

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  22. love that picture of Angel dipping you. :) Mo and I are 3 years apart, but my parents are 8! but when you're with the right person, age doesn't really matter, if you're both over 18, haha. :)

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  23. I was 2 months away from 22 when I got married to a just-turned 29 year old!! Sometimes the age is hard, but it's definitely worth it!!

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  24. My husband is 4 years older than me. Age doesn't matter actually.

    http://healthybeautifulblog.blogspot.com/

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  25. I love you guys! You two are so adorable! I think his theory is hillaruous..a 30 year old with a smokin 22 year old does sound pretty appealing to a man :)

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  26. visiting from the Love is a Choice Link Up! my grandparents were 7 years apart and were the sweetest couple I've ever known! so its not weird to me at all. I got your back, Jack! lol

    Hope you have a good week!

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  27. you all are so cute!! Everything has it's pros and cons, that's just life! As long as you're happy and in love, that's all that truly matters:) Thank you for linking up with us!

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  28. I liked this. I plan to do a post or two about age differences on my relationship blog as well. I am 23 and mine will turn 33 this year. I was also 19 when we got together.

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  29. Love this post, and love your perspective!

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  30. Super cute dance picture at the end there. I like this. If it's right, it's right. Right? Doesn't matter the age gap. You two are adorable.

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  31. This is such a great post! Love how you went through the pros and cons, ha. But seriously, if it's love, it's LOVE!! And you guys are so freaking cute together so it doesn't matter how far apart you really are :)

    Thank you so much for linking up for Marriage Week!

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  32. when we started dating, my mister was 23 and i was just-barely-18, and we were 26 and 21 respectively when we got married. we finished school at the same time after we'd been married a year, but it was undergrad for me and a phd for him. now, as i'm in medical school, i am *beyond* grateful to have a husband with a good job we can rely on for living expenses, so that i'm only borrowing for my education. also, we're both old souls who met celebrating the pastimes of our grandparents' youth (jazz-era swing dancing), intellectual christians, and unrepentant geeks. we're a good team, and that's the most important thing...four years in and can't wait for more!

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  33. My sister married a guy 7 years older than her and next month they celebrate 11 years of marriage together! :)

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  34. Well i like this post atleast it encourages me because am inlove with a girl seven years younger than me, but people say she is too young for me but with this i don't mind what they say anymore, thanks and love your pics they are wonderful

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  35. My husband is 9 years older than me and before we started dating I refused to date a man over 3 years older than me and if they were younger they had to be 21. Why? Well I just didn't want to spend a lot of time at a young man's apartment because we couldn't both go out. When I met my husband he knew I wouldn't go out with him because he was 9 years older so he lied about how old he was so I would go out with him. I was smitten from the beginning. So before we became offical he told me, I was a bit taken aback but I wasn't mad. I loved him after all. It no one has ever had a problem with it. My mother is 11 years older than my father. The reason I knew my husband was the once was because for my whole life before him I said I would never get married. Then when I met him, I knew I wanted to get married (for the first time). So I say as long as your get along and inspire each other that is all that matters.

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  36. My mom and dad were the same age as you two when they got married: 19 & 26. My mom jokes that he had to "raise up a wife" because she was so much younger than him, but also had never lived away from home before.

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  37. I am fourteen years younger than my husband. We married when I was 22 and he was 36. It almost never occurs to me that he is older. We have several common interests, similar personalities, and don't fight. Our disagreements (which are never bad enough to be called fights) are never anything that couldn't happen with someone my own age.

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  38. I am married to a man 17 yrs my senior. It worked well for mny of our 31 yrs together. But now he has many medical issues causing constant need for supervision. Can not leave him alone for more than a couple of hours at a time. I have all the responsibility for our home inside and out. It can be very overwhelmingly at times but I try to remember him as he was when we married. He used to bring me flowers every week, I never had to pump gas while he was able. He is still the same kind, caring, sensitive man I married with physical disabilities now.

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