My Mischievous Mom

One very memorable day of my childhood, all of us children were at a museum with my Mom, and one of the exhibits was a hearse. My Mom was suddenly inspired to start quoting a poem, and when she discovered that none of us were familiar with the poem she was quoting, she sat us all down on a nearby bench and quoted the poem to us in full, with dramatic pause and gesture to emphasize the meaning. 

 Lizzy, Me, and Mom

*Warning* Graphic

"Have you ever seen a hearse go by,

And wonder if you're the next to die?

They'll bury you under six feet deep,

And it's okay for about a week.

But then....

The worms begin to creep.

The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out

The worms play pinochle on your snout.

They eat your eyes, they eat your nose. 

They eat the jelly between your toes.

Your body turns to slimy green 

And pus comes out like whipping cream. 

They spread it on some moldy bread.

And that's what you eat, when you're dead!"

..................................................................................

I have no idea who the author of this poem is. To put it gently, it's a horrible poem. Graphic, utterly gross, and disgustingly disrespectful. Of course, all of us kids ate it up as our Mom recited it to us, and in spite of the fact that she taught us many, many useful things over our years at home--I'd venture to guess that this poem is one of the few things that every one of us can still recite by heart, over a decade later.

To this day, I can't quite comprehend why Mom decided that this gruesome poem was a necessary part of our childhood education. In general, she was rather conservative about the things she taught us. Although, on another memorable occasion, during a particularly jolly family painting project, she taught us every word to the song "The Gambler" by Kenny Rogers. I can still sing that one, too. I guess none of this is really too surprising, because the lady who raised us has still never managed to shake her childhood nickname "The Bad Twin."

So, my question to you is, did you grow up knowing any version or variation of the disgusting hearse poem, or am I alone in this? And did any of you have similar experiences of your own parents teaching you things that were just naughty enough to make it feel like maybe your parents shouldn't be the ones teaching them to you?