20 June 2013

Talk About Boys

 *Warning* After reading this post, you might think I am crazy.
The only crush that matters.

Ever since my very first introduction to the idea of boys as "boys" rather than fellow humans, I've had an interesting philosophy of men. When I was very young, I heard all sorts of confessions from my friends who would admit that they 'liked' a boy--and then chaos would ensue. The whole process looked completely miserable to me. The teasing, the "asking someone out," the hoping that the other girls wouldn't tell your crush that you liked just never seemed like having a crush on someone was a pleasant experience.

So, I, in my little preteen mind, decided that if I were ever going to like a boy, he would be a fictional character. After all, you can choose where to direct your affections. Real, live boys were far too annoying and caused complicated relationships. Not worth it. "Liking" celebrities? Eww. Besides, most celebrities were married at one time or another. But what could be wrong with liking a fictional character? Then, any time I was being pressed by friends to tell them which boy I was fondest of, I could coyly blush and tell them the name of my chosen fictional character, and they could hardly tease me about him or threaten to tell him about my feelings, because he didn't exist.

It was a genius plan.

#1 fictional crush: The Professor from Gilligan's Island.
I'm pretty sure that some of my friends till this day will remember The Professor phase of my life. It was a little intense. He was the only guy for me. He had so many books and he was so clever, inventing so many tools to make life on the island perfectly wonderful. I appreciate brains in a man.
#2 fictional crush: Captain Jack Sparrow
I'm not sure there is any good explanation why, as a young teenager, I decided that Captain Jack Sparrow was my hero. He doesn't model very good morals, that's for sure. But he's so very funny, and besides the personal hygiene thing, we tend to share some similarities as far as choices of personal fashion, so I always thought I could get along with him. I cried when he was eaten by the Kraken. For probably an hour after the movie ended. Because of me, the desktop background of our family computer was always a picture of Captain Jack.

#3 fictional crush: Prince Caspian
I think this one was primarily because of his Inigo Montoya-inspired accent. I'm not usually a big fan of accents, but I loved that he sounded like Inigo Montoya. Plus, that entire movie was a very emotional one for me to watch, because it came out the week before I had to move away from my home, and the whole "Goodbye, you can never go back to Narnia and you can never see Prince Caspian again." thing at the end wrung my heart severely. Captain Jack's picture on the desktop was replaced for a time by the picture of Prince Caspian.

#4 fictional crush: Angel
Sometimes I can't remember if I actually am married or if Angel is a figment of my imagination.  Either way, he replaced Prince Caspian in my heart and on my computer desktop. He's neither a genius of invention nor a hilarious but evil pirate, and he doesn't have a pseudo-Spanish accent, but for a fictional character, he's pretty awesome.

 Do you know these characters I'm talking about? Seriously, what do you think of the scheme that I came up with? Brilliant, or simply odd?
  photo TRWORsig_zps564b92a0.jpg
Vi said...

There is something about Jack Sparrow! Even though he stumbles around intoxicated, which is not my ideal man, he seemed like fun :) Fictional characters make way less complicated relationships so I can understand!

Moonofsilver said...

Haha! I used to dream I was a charater in a Wendy from Peter Pan or Arwyn from LOTR. My favorite movie crush was pretending I was Ariel from the little mermaid :) instead of the boys I liked to pretend I was a famous girl hah!

Is Angel fictional? You might want to get that checked :p

kim @ a positive peace said...

Lol I wish I could've just crushed on fictional characters! Seems smart! But no crushes on book characters? I'd love Ron from Harry potter!

Suzanne said...

That is too funny about the professor from Gilligan's Island. I definately thought he was the best pick of the bunch!


Veronica Lee Burns said...

haha this made me smile and laugh! Love it and so genius I agree! Let's teach our kids this version ;)

deanna@delirious-rhapsody said...

eric from the little mermaid was my first fictional crush too! i was so obsessed in kindergarten!

Anonymous said...

Stopping over from Life of Bon. Totally see where you're coming from. I think that's why I watched so many sitcoms, so that I could live in somebody else's reality for a little bit. Although I don't think I ever could have executed this, I would have been way too bored in classes :)

Maggie B. said...

Ohhh.. Prince Caspian. =) My first, and only real fictional crush, is/was The Beast from "Beauty and the Beast". Except, only when he's in beast form which is probably extra weird. But he looked too much like a girl when he got changed back into a person.

Lauren {at} Life.Love.Lauren said...

Fictional crushes rock!

Susannah said...

Haha. I'd definitely say that fictional crushes were better than real ones! Fictional guys can't turn you down. :-)

Inge Jane said...

I totally agree! I had a few fictional crushes, mostly from books but I would pine for those characters haha.

Gillian said...

I like this plan!!! I was so happy when you said The Professor! I think he's amazing, especially in the episode when Gilligan has the cowboy dream and Professor is all dressed up in black and a hat. :)

~Gilliann (yes...add one more g and I would be Gilligan!)

Charlotte said...

I still get fictional crushes! I read "Howl's Moving Castle" last year, and I'm still crushing on Howl. If he was a real-life person, I probably couldn't stand him, but in the fictional world, he is the most adorable scamp...