DoorbellPhobia

 

 You will be wearing pajamas and in the middle of making Christmas cards when someone knocks on your door.

Are you, or is anyone you know affected by DoorbellPhobia, the fear of unexpected visitors? This is a strange syndrome, striking most severely when a knock on the door occurs in the middle of an elaborate craft project, or when the sock basket is dumped all over the living room floor. Its impact is also felt when one’s hair has only barely survived a long day of housework with little of its dignity still intact. As yet there is no known cure for individuals affected by this strange fear. 

Always, always at those most inopportune moments, the doorbell rings. And it’s the pastor. Or your Great-Grandma. Sometimes it’s just the UPS guy or Girl Scouts, but you won’t know until you open the door, so when the doorbell rings, you don’t know if whoever is it expects to be invited inside, or if they’ll be satisfied by a frantic left hand stuck outside for a quick signature and a grab at the cardboard box.

Sometimes, the best choice is simply to run. That’s usually what I do, if Angel’s home. We don’t have a doorbell, so unexpected visitors usually rap on a kitchen window. When I hear that knocking, I’m hiding in my bedroom within seconds, calling out to Angel as I run, “Answer the door, someone’s here!” Usually I stay in my room until the visitor is gone, or until it’s been determined that it’s someone who’s not scary at all. Like my cousins. 

I know it’s irrational. Even though I understand that most likely, the people who rap on my window are people I love, it always seems like a risky thing to open the door to just anyone. In my defense, one time I opened the door to the electric meter reader, and he totally hit on me, even asking for my phone number and if we could be friends. That's the only time anyone has ever hit on me in my life. See what can happen when you open a door? That’s why I try to leave it to Angel. And I know I’m not the only one who’s instant reaction to a doorbell is “Where is the closest hiding spot?” My family gets unexpected visitors nearly every day, because they live in a large apartment building, and every day, most of the family will instantly disappear whenever they hear the tinkling of the doorbell, leaving some unfortunate sister to open the door and greet the visitor of the moment, the rest of the family not appearing from behind closed doors until they’re sure the coast is clear.

Do you find that a doorbell has the ability to inspire terror?