The Random Writings of Rachel: Love Can be a Hamburger

Love Can be a Hamburger

One day, Angel spent his entire day off working on a very frustrating car problem. I wanted to let him know I loved him and appreciated his diligence. So, I went out to the grocery store, did all of our shopping (completing a chore that otherwise would have involved him) and then I gritted my teeth, walked into Culver's, and completed the very confusing process of ordering a burger.

I detest fast food and fast food restaurants. I rarely, if ever, go in one. But a long time ago, I asked Angel, "What would make you feel really loved? What should I do if I want to show you I especially appreciate you one day?" He told me he would feel most appreciated if I surprised him with a burger from Culver's. The man likes food. He may have poor taste in food, but he likes it.


I know my husband pretty well. I know that, although I could have planned any number of elaborate "Pinterest inspired" dates for that evening including "cute printables" and "sexy" themed costumes to proclaim my love for him...any day, given the choice, he'd pick a burger from a fast food restaurant over all of that romantic mushy stuff.

I don't know if my husband is just weird, but the vast majority of "date" or "surprise your husband" ideas that can be found online are the kind of ideas he would absolutely detest. He doesn't feel particularly loved by printed invitations or themes or being kidnapped or high-energy activities of any sort, as least not when surprised by them.

I think it's far more important to know your own husband and what would make him feel loved than to look up lists online of "date ideas." If it were purely up to me, I'd probably write Angel a love note every time I wanted him to feel special. If I based my gifts for him on my own ideas of what would be fun and exciting and make me feel loved, I'd plan weekend getaways and research new places to go explore in our area.

I still do those things, occasionally. Writing is my automatic reaction to life, of course I'm going to write to my husband! And I love new adventures and excursions so I plan them. But I have to take into account what Angel likes. He likes my love letters, of course, but doesn't spend the rest of the day in sheer bliss because I wrote him a note. He's up for adventure sometimes, but he puts a high value on sleeping in his own bed, watching tv in his own living room, and having time where he doesn't have to be doing anything (that's so weird!!!). So it would be selfish of me to constantly plan elaborate adventures and claim I was doing it out of love for him. I might love adventures myself, but they're not the most effective way of showing love to my husband. Because I know him, I know what makes him feel loved. He operates very strongly on an "acts of service" love language. He feels special when the house is cleaned, dinner's done, and the dishes are washed. He thinks he's getting spoiled when I tackle projects that are usually his job. He enjoys it when I give him peace and quiet (not two of my favorite adjectives).

Just something to think about. If your husband is truly the one who enjoys elaborate themed dates or feels most loved when you write him a mushy love letter, carry on! But if you're trying to love your husband purely by doing the activities you would appreciate the most if they were done for you...maybe you could use a little reality check. Giving a gift because it's something we would want ourselves doesn't tend to be effective. Maybe, just maybe, what he really wants is a hamburger.

27 comments:

  1. You are a wise woman and your husband is blessed with your wisdom and understanding of who he is. I hope he blesses you with the things that excite you and speak your love language, as well!
    Scarlett x

    ReplyDelete
  2. great post! Got to know your man's love language!

    ReplyDelete
  3. LOL...this is so NOT my husband. It is good you know your man though. It is what makes a marriage last : )

    bisous
    Suzanne

    ReplyDelete
  4. the way to peppy's heart is through mexican food and german chocolate cake. and he would laugh me out the door if i tried any of those dating ideas you can find online.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Our husbands sound really famier. One day I filled up the humidifier with water (usually my husbands job) and he acted like I made him a 10 course meal on a cruise ship. That's when I realized all this :)

    ReplyDelete
  6. So so true! Hence why 5 love languages and having those talks are so valuable!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Figuring out your significant other's love language is so important to keep a relationship! Good for you for understanding what matters most :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. While Jt's Love language is physical touch and quality time, he does get awfully excited when I surprise him with a little Caesar's pizza. I even offered to research their recipe and MAKE him a copy cat version, and He said he would prefer just a $5.00 Little Caesar's Pizza!

    ReplyDelete
  9. GREAT post, seriously. This is definitely the area where I struggle the most and an area I'm still working on!! (Isaiah's love language is by far physical touch, which is hard because I don't like to be touched much at all!)

    ReplyDelete
  10. This post! I've thought about this a lot. We've read the love languages book and everything, but it's hard to not be selfish and offer my affection in the ways I like it best. And I think food should be a love language. There are too many people (myself included) who love being treated with food! :)

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are such a sweet wife! I wonder how many husbands truly enjoy all those silly Pinterest ideas. My husband wouldn't really appreciate any of those. Oh he'd be a good sport, but he'd much rather I pop in a movie and cuddle with him in bed while we watch it. Or food. Food is always good in his book.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Cute story Rachel, thx for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Yes, it is very important for each of us to know our own husbands and how he feels loved. That's the only way we can truly cherish him! I think that you going to get Angel fast food was fabulous! :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. love this post! :) this is something i've been thinking about a lot lately... because it's easy for me to show my husband i love him in the ways that i would feel most loved, because they just come naturally to me. but i keep reminding myself to think of what he likes & what would make him feel most loved. great thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
  15. My husband's food love language is either a burrito from a local Mexican restaurant or a hamburger from In and Out.

    When we've talked about ways I can love/serve him in our marriage, his requests have always been really simple: send out birthday/thank you/holiday cards to family and friends (so random) and most recently, BE NICE. Poor guy sees the brunt of long days of three kids from me sometimes. :(

    ReplyDelete
  16. I love Culver's hamburgers. They have some of the best!

    Both our languages are physical touch. The rest of them are in the same order for both of us. My husband loves Mexican food, but I don't really like it. For his birthday, we celebrated with it, because it is his fave.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I think you've totally nailed it on the head here. I think a lot of those pinterest-y "romantic" ideas are based on what most women/wives would like, and not what their husbands would like. Getting him that hamburger was the best idea.

    ReplyDelete
  18. fantastic;)

    follow me?---------->http://redlips-evelinafashion.blogspot.com/
    kiss:*

    ReplyDelete
  19. That's so true!! While I do look all over pinterest for ideas, I know that most of them aren't really Malcolm's idea of fun, and they're not particularly thoughtful when just pulled off the internet. I feel like pinterest and such sites just make things a competition or try to define how to be romantic. Same goes for marriage proposals - they seem to get so elaborate, but aren't always suited to the girl at all... not all girls like the same 'romantic' gestures!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Great fantastic post!
    A Lot of women get caught up in extravagant dates and gifts and yes - all they really want is like basketball shorts and Nike Elite socks!! When I surprised my hubby with these, he was like a kid in a candy store and couldn't stop thanking me all day! Nothing was over 20 dollars..He's so cute!

    Visiting from #SitsSharefest

    Keep it Touched,
    KG
    www.kgstyleblogs.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. I'm like angel. I like acts of service too. My husband would love something romantic. He loves to be doted on and complimented. Who's the woman here? It drives me crazy actually because those things don't speak to me. This reminded me that love isn't about our wants but the other person's. Great post.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Brilliant. My husband likes a few things that I can't stand so every time I go to the store I pick up at least one thing that is just for him. It lets him know that I am thinking about him and care about what he wants. It sounds a little silly but sometimes the little silly stuff is what's important

    ReplyDelete
  23. You are right on--lucky Angel! It's so important in a relationship to recognize both your own love language and that of your partner. As an example, if you looked from the outside, my boyfriend didn't get me a birthday gift (a physical object)...that shocked some of my friends! But in our relationship, he did the things that were important to me: took me out to dinner at a place I had long ago mentioned wanting to try, coming over for a celebration with my roommates--and bringing two pints of a specialty Ohio-made ice cream that is a hard-to-find treat from college, and generally being a sweetheart. The fact that he remembered things I had mentioned and went out of his way to create an experience we could share was most important. And, when I get into romantic notes and all that, he says he enjoys it, and just reminds me that he shows his feelings in other ways.

    ReplyDelete
  24. It's great that you know your husband so well. I'm sure we all would appreciate a gift based on our personal preferences far more than a generic one somebody else came up with.
    Visiting from SITS :)

    ReplyDelete
  25. This is such a great post! Of course it is beautifully written as well. It makes me think about this conversation I had with this guy who repeatedly kept asking me what was romantic. I was like um, that will depend on your wife. We've allowed society and movies to give us what is considered "romantic" since forever. And for some women, the stuff in the movies will be something we like (myself included). But what about the women who don't like that stuff? Will we say they are weird? They could be just as simple as your hubby in those areas. Love is about action and since we love our spouses, we should do what they love :)

    ReplyDelete
  26. This is SO true and so exactly what my husband would want, too. I see those things on Pinterest, and all I can think is that it's what a girl wants a guy to do for her, not the other way around. I've never met a guy that wants an elaborate date planned for him. But anyway, this is great.

    ReplyDelete
  27. It's interesting the things that husbands find make them feel loved. They're so different from the things that I want. Doing those sweet things that they know you hate make a big difference though.

    ReplyDelete