Love Can be a Hamburger

One day, Angel spent his entire day off working on a very frustrating car problem. I wanted to let him know I loved him and appreciated his diligence. So, I went out to the grocery store, did all of our shopping (completing a chore that otherwise would have involved him) and then I gritted my teeth, walked into Culver's, and completed the very confusing process of ordering a burger.

I detest fast food and fast food restaurants. I rarely, if ever, go in one. But a long time ago, I asked Angel, "What would make you feel really loved? What should I do if I want to show you I especially appreciate you one day?" He told me he would feel most appreciated if I surprised him with a burger from Culver's. The man likes food. He may have poor taste in food, but he likes it.

I know my husband pretty well. I know that, although I could have planned any number of elaborate "Pinterest inspired" dates for that evening including "cute printables" and "sexy" themed costumes to proclaim my love for him...any day, given the choice, he'd pick a burger from a fast food restaurant over all of that romantic mushy stuff.

I don't know if my husband is just weird, but the vast majority of "date" or "surprise your husband" ideas that can be found online are the kind of ideas he would absolutely detest. He doesn't feel particularly loved by printed invitations or themes or being kidnapped or high-energy activities of any sort, as least not when surprised by them.

I think it's far more important to know your own husband and what would make him feel loved than to look up lists online of "date ideas." If it were purely up to me, I'd probably write Angel a love note every time I wanted him to feel special. If I based my gifts for him on my own ideas of what would be fun and exciting and make me feel loved, I'd plan weekend getaways and research new places to go explore in our area.

I still do those things, occasionally. Writing is my automatic reaction to life, of course I'm going to write to my husband! And I love new adventures and excursions so I plan them. But I have to take into account what Angel likes. He likes my love letters, of course, but doesn't spend the rest of the day in sheer bliss because I wrote him a note. He's up for adventure sometimes, but he puts a high value on sleeping in his own bed, watching tv in his own living room, and having time where he doesn't have to be doing anything (that's so weird!!!). So it would be selfish of me to constantly plan elaborate adventures and claim I was doing it out of love for him. I might love adventures myself, but they're not the most effective way of showing love to my husband. Because I know him, I know what makes him feel loved. He operates very strongly on an "acts of service" love language. He feels special when the house is cleaned, dinner's done, and the dishes are washed. He thinks he's getting spoiled when I tackle projects that are usually his job. He enjoys it when I give him peace and quiet (not two of my favorite adjectives).

Just something to think about. If your husband is truly the one who enjoys elaborate themed dates or feels most loved when you write him a mushy love letter, carry on! But if you're trying to love your husband purely by doing the activities you would appreciate the most if they were done for you...maybe you could use a little reality check. Giving a gift because it's something we would want ourselves doesn't tend to be effective. Maybe, just maybe, what he really wants is a hamburger.