Me, as a sophomore.
In February 2010, I was a college sophomore majoring in Chinese who had just figured out how to get a guaranteed scholarship that would allow me to spend a semester studying in China for free. My parents, at first hesitant about the idea, had told me to go for it once I told them it wouldn't cost anything. This was a dream for any Mandarin major. I'd already picked up the application to study abroad and had started filling it out, but I hadn't yet turned it in.
I was 18 and single and passionate about language study. At that point in your life, if you get an opportunity to live abroad for free and study a language you love, you take it.
However, I never turned in that application.
Because, one sunny, freezing day, I was walking between buildings on my college campus and right there, in the snowy, ice covered world that I detested, I heard clearly, "You will be content HERE." In case you didn't catch that, there was a strong emphasis on the HERE.
Now, I knew a few things right away. I knew that that statement came from God, and I knew that it meant I was not going to pursue spending a semester in China.
Still, I stood there, motionless, out in the cold, my immediate thoughts being: "Really? I'm Rachel. It's like you don't even know me. I've never been content here!"
I was the kid who never wanted to go to college, who cried herself to sleep a significant portion of freshman year, and who, in spite of her beloved friends, was always scheming to find a way OUT of that town. I even hated winter. With this study abroad plan, I had already figured out how to fly to Malaysia at the end of May, go straight to China in August, fly back to Malaysia in December, and not return to the US till the next February. I was planning to be away from Michigan for 9 months, and I was thrilled about it.
But suddenly, because of that statement, all of my excitement and desire to move to China faded away. God had told me I'd be content HERE, and I knew I would.
Soon after that, my grandpa called me, upset because he'd found out that I'd decided not to go to China. He asked me, "Why won't you go?" I told him that God had told me I'd be content here in Michigan, that I knew I wasn't supposed to go. Grandpa said, "Oh, well, can't argue with that. Good choice."
In December 2010, while most of my Chinese classmates were still in Beijing, I got married. Yes, you read that right, I went from single in February to married in December. I didn't regret staying.
As of now, I've been living in Michigan on and off for over 5 years (most people can't say they live somewhere 'on and off' but trust me, it makes sense in my situation). Some seasons have been characterized by more contentedness than others, but in these 5 years, I've learned much that I really needed to know.
I chose to obey God when I was 18, and it wasn't really a hard choice.
As soon as I heard, I was able to instantly drop all those plans I'd been making. My longing to go to China disappeared. I'm glad I listened. At the time, I didn't know whether it meant I would stay in Michigan forever or not. At some points, it looked like it might be forever, and that I would have to be content with that. I knew that if that were the case, I would be.
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Two weeks ago, I was sitting on the floor, surrounded by piles of things. Trash. Stuff to Give Away. Treasures to Pack.
It was
Valentine's Day,
and in that moment, on the floor, surrounded by the things I'd emptied
from a cupboard that would be taken from me before the day was gone, I
was afraid.
Last summer, Angel and I became strongly convinced that Michigan is not our forever home. We've been working on the move since then, but suddenly, on February 14th, faced with the very immediate prospect of an empty home,
what ifs
filled my mind. What if airplane ticket prices go up before we're able
to buy them? What if we don't get the jobs we're hoping for? What if
moving abroad is hard? What if we have less than I've ever had before?
What if Angel chickens out? What if I get sick?
Besides the
what ifs,
there's the things I know to be true. The ice cream won't taste
anything like American ice cream. Visas aren't always easy to obtain. We won't have a house and large yard anymore. We'll miss our friends and relatives.
Right then, this exact question came to my mind: "Is there any way that God cannot be faithful?"
That was all I needed. I took a few moments to seriously ponder the matter. The question humbled me, because I already knew the answer. Nope, there's no way. If I am faithful, He is infinitely more faithful. I won't be forsaken if Angel and I obey this dream for our lives that God's given us. I simply won't.
4 years ago, I was planning to move overseas, but I didn't. This year, I was planning to work in a salon while my husband went to grad school, but I won't. And, although there are passing moments where I doubt our sanity, I couldn't be happier that life didn't turn out the way I imagined. I choose to be faithful to a God who I know can't be unfaithful.
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{If this post made no sense to you, Summer Vacation Changed my Life and No Valentine's Date might help clear things up. Or, to sum things up, my husband and I had no intention of moving abroad together, but we are, and in the very near future. And this post about the adventure of obeying God completes my Month of Adventure. Thanks for reading!}