The Random Writings of Rachel: I'm Gonna Miss This

I'm Gonna Miss This

There's nothing like the prospect of moving to teach you to appreciate what you already have. I like to boldly claim that I'm not particularly attached to "things," that I don't need stuff to be happy (See: Must Have Items You Don't Need). But the truth is that the thought of slimming down our collection of possessions does leave me somewhat daunted. I'm 22. I don't actually own that much, not as much as a more settled-down adult, anyway, and for that I'm grateful. Most of what we do own was given to me for my wedding or college graduation. And it looks like I won't be owning it much longer--because there's not a whole lot you can pack into a couple 50 lb. suitcases.

Here's a few special items that I know will be left behind, and that I know equally well that I am going to miss:


1) Our Bed. This is the only non-thrift store piece of furniture we own. If you've been a long-time reader, you know I'm rather enthralled with our bed. We ordered it and had it custom-made for us from a local Amish furniture store. It's humongous and impractical and gorgeous and it's my favorite thing in this house.

2) My Car. I started driving my blue car when I was 17. It originally belonged to my great-grandma, and somewhere along the way it was decided that I should inherit it. When I first got it, it looked a little better than it does now. That was before my grandpa backed into it twice and I slipped off the road during a blizzard and then Angel slipped off the road during a blizzard.  It's named Jack. Full name: Captain Jack.

3) My Sewing Machine. My whole life I've had to skip all of the "requires a sewing machine" craft ideas in craft books because first my mom didn't have one, and then I didn't. As a girl who dreams up outfits that don't seem exist on a fairly regular basis, being able to make my own clothes seemed like a dream come true. I was able to buy the sewing machine as a graduation gift--and I've had so much fun with it.

4) My Dollhouse. The most impractical thing ever. I've always dreamed of having an elaborately decorated dollhouse. One time, my siblings and I build a pretty cool one out of a cardboard box. This is no cardboard box.

5) My Serving Dishes. I hate to admit it, but I got a little teary-eyed when going through the closet full of my kitchen stuff. All of my serving dishes are mismatched: handmedowns from family members, gifts from our wedding, or were picked out by me on sale with a particular occasion in mind. I envisioned countless parties where guests were fed from deviled eggs on my deviled egg tray, punch in the punchbowl and maybe even some turkey gravy in the gravy bowl. And all of my dishes have been used, and loved--ya'll know I don't skimp on having parties. But I am going to miss out on using them many more times.

6) My Library. Okay, I don't actually have one. I do have a lot of books. But I've always dreamed of one. Floor to ceiling books--old school library with dark wood and sliding ladders and luxurious red sofas with pillows and blankets to cuddle up on. That's a dream I'm giving up, too.


You know? That's probably it. Those are the only things that  are really going to sting. All the little mementos I'll sneak into my suitcases, and I have no love (though a great deal of appreciation!) for pots and pans and small kitchen appliances and bedsheets.

So that's it. Now I know for sure, that at one point in my life, I had all the little "things" I'd always wanted. And it wasn't a disappointment at all. Designing and sewing my own clothes was just as awesome as I'd always imagined it would be. I smiled up at that giant headboard every night when I went to sleep. It was really, really cool to have these things, and I'm grateful that I had them, but it just so happens that I've chosen a lifestyle which doesn't involve having cool things like these.

And I'm going to be okay with that.

But I just want to warn you--if you ever start to think that you have no materialistic tendencies at all, that you're not attached to stuff, decide to pack your life into 1 suitcase, 1 carry-on, and 1 backpack per person, and see what that teaches you. You may be a stronger person than I am, but if you're not, and if you too find yourself suddenly in tears as you pack up books that your husband bought you for your 1st Valentine's Day together into a bag for the thrift store--know that you're not the first to cry over the loss of paperback mysteries, and you won't be the last.

23 comments:

  1. Aw... I know those tears too well! But, as things start randomly recollecting in China, and you get your first gift from Angel while you're there, it'll be happy tears.

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  2. AWWWWWWWWWWW. teared up when reading this (okay so I'm pmsing like woah, so I did tear up over burning the coffee this morning as well....)

    I know in my head that things are just things but I like my things too. I don't know if I could pack up all my stuff like that (okay I know I could if I had to, but I'm sure I wouldn't like it)

    I hope you can buy another sewing machine one day!

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  3. Wow, I already know I couldn't survive that. Thought the majority of my life has been spent moving from state-to-state and country-to-country, I was always able to bring my things with me, which was always comforting. But as Erica pointed out, once you start finding things in China, you'll build new memories.

    But please, please let your parents store your dollhouse. That is too precious to give away. You never know when you may need it again :)

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  4. I would have a very hard time letting my possesions go too. The bed is goregous and I can completely understand the sadness of parting with it. I envy the adventure ya'll are about to embark on... hope you will be around still, are you planning on it?

    xo-Brittney

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  5. I didn't really own anything when I was travelling. For a while I lived with my parents and then a boyfriend so I never had to buy anything really. I think it was good for me that I wasn't used to having my own "stuff" other than my clothes and my car. A whole lot easier to leave behind.

    It is a shame for the books. I know you will remember that moment clearly for the rest of your life.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  6. Man, I applaud you for being so strong! I don't know if I could do it! I get so sentimental about things, but it's all for good reason--you're going on an incredible adventure!!! I'm so excited for you:)

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  7. This is a little heartbreaking. I know you are following your dreams, but there will be those little pangs. But you had these special things all the same, and you'll always have the memory of them.

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  8. That is definitely tough to part with such special things...but only temporarily right? And i bet you'll be making so many new memories and experiences that you won't really miss those things. Also—e-readers and sewing glue/tape. ;) Heheh.

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  9. Even though 90% of what we own is secondhand/thrifted, I've come to love it- our furniture, decor, etc. I know I could not walk away easily... It's hard and I think you are allowed to have some time to say goodbye before your new chapter starts. Take some fun photos! Gift things you want someone else to cherish!

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  10. Oh, sad. I'm happy to toss many things too but I agree on most counts here - especially that amazing bed!

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  11. WOW! This made me so sad just reading it. Your a strong well woman rachel!!!l I wish I could give you a huge hug! That bed is just as spectacular as you are! I hope you remember all the memories of everything!

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  12. awww...this is such a bittersweet post. i would definitely miss my bed. and all my gnomes. :)

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  13. I am absolutely with you. Memories and relationships get injected into things every now and then and there's nothing wrong with that! I've purged my household many times and I can tell you, it gets better. When you move forward and breathe deeply and look back, it's not as bad. Kinda freeing.

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  14. i know i told you about starting college the day of hurricane katrina, right? i lost everything in the floods that weekend, and i've been extremely hesitant to attach myself to 'things' ever since. sure you have memories, of course, but you can keep those in pictures and stories and your heart. travel light, spread light :)

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  15. It's hard to give up things, especially those with memories.

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  16. I can totally relate! I like to think I'm not materialistic, but every time we move and I have to part with special items, it makes me sad. We just have to remember that we still have the memories without the physical items.

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  17. I honestly don't know if I could do it. I'm a big baby! haha

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  18. I don't know how you're doing it!! I think I'd be ok with getting rid of a lot of things since I'm not as sentimental as I once was, but there are some things that would completely break my heart. There are memories attached to everything we own, and sometimes I keep something I shouldn't just to keep that memory a little fresher in my mind.

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  19. Wow, I couldn't imagine fitting my entire life into one suitcase! I think missing those things is very normal. I'd have a much longer list, let me tell you!

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  20. Awww, Rachel! Trust me, you are much stronger than I am. I make Justin laugh with my sentimental attachments to the things in our home, but I know the memories and hopes attached to all of them. It is most definitely a selfless act to be able to pack up and share with someone you do not know all of your favorites in order to live a life with your husband that will help so many others.

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  21. You're making me drool with your dream library description. Are you going to be able to store your things while you're gone?

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  22. duuude! I remember the post about your bed and how much you enjoyed it!! You're right though, we can't be attached to things. This weekend I heard our guest preacher say "the only thing we possess with eternal value are our kids." OUCH! conviction hit. haha. That's why we are teaching Melody not to say "I love ______" instead, "I like ______" or "I enjoy ______"

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  23. i was listening to lennon's 'imagine' yesterday and the lyrics "imagine no possessions" registered in my mind. i truly believe i'm not tied to anything. sure, a few things would make me sad if i lost them (i.e., my tempurpedic bed---just like you). but all things are replaceable.

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