7 Things Never to Say to People Who Have Ears

1. "When will you...?"

Seriously. Just don't ask anyone when they'll do/experience/achieve/finish anything, ever. They won't take this question as a legitimate appeal for information, they'll instead feel judged and belittled when you ask things like:

"When will you graduate from college?"
"When will you go to the grocery store?"
"When will you send in the recommendation letter you promised to write for me?"
"When will you have a baby?"
"When will you be done reading the LOTR series?"

People don't want to be reminded of their procrastination. You'll know when it happens. Maybe. If you happen to see the Facebook status update.

2. "I think you should..."

They don't care what you think. They care what they think. Advice is insulting. It assumes they don't know everything and might need some guided suggestions along the road of life. So avoid suggestions like:

"I think you should try to pay off your students loans faster by paying more than the minimum payment."
"I think you should rinse the rice before you cook it."
"I think you should go easy on the blush. Don't want to look back at old pictures and wonder what you were thinking."
"I think you should buy a car that fits your budget instead of a brand-new Honda."

3.  "Is/Are ____ real/natural?"

People really hate being questioned as to their reality, for some reason. I mean, I feel like people wouldn't be threatened by this, either you're real or you're not and either one is okay. I mean, I'm a cosmetologist so I wouldn't need to ask in the first place--fake is visible a mile away. So, if you don't want to offend anyone but you're still curious, go to beauty school.

"Is your red hair natural?"
"Is your blue hair natural?"
"Are your sculpted, embellished nails that are .5 inches longer than your fingertips natural?
"Is this really your baby?"
"Have you really worked at this Fortune 500 company listed on your resume?"
"Is there a real person writing this blog?"

4. "Are you sick?"

If you're asking this question, either 1) the person isn't sick, their appearance is just subpar and they would thank you not to notice. 2) They are sick, but don't want to take leave from work so they are still appearing in public instead of resting at home and would thank you not to notice. 3) You are a medical professional and nobody wants to talk to you because you ask more invasive questions than anyone else on the planet.

"You look pale, are you sick?"
"You just fainted, are you sick?"
"You're flushed and sweaty and your temperature is 102, are you sick?"

5. "{Something they do or like} is foolish/boring/a waste of money/waste of time."

They don't care about your random opinions, okay! They don't care so very, very much that they will be greatly hurt by the opinions you hold if they happen to be opposite to their own opinions. So just keep your opinions to yourself. Unless you agree with theirs. Then feel free to share those opinions, but only those.

"Going to DisneyWorld is a waste of money."
"Mowing your lawn twice a week is a waste of time."
"Eating lots of donuts when you should watching your blood sugar is foolish."
"Jigsaw puzzles are boring."
"Blogging is a waste of time."

6. "You're lucky/blessed/spoiled. I wish I had your _____."

Nope. Nobody wants other people noticing what an awesome life they have and then giving the credit to luck or blessings. They've earned every bit of awesomeness in their life through their own blood, sweat and tears. Either that, or they don't actually have an awesome life and if you experienced it for a minute you'd be making some un-wishes real fast. Don't go wishing for my curls because you have no idea what they're like to live with. You might think you're just trying to pay someone a compliment in an overly dramatic way, but chances are, they'll get offended, because people like getting offended almost more than they like homemade bread, fresh from the oven. So keep your compliments to yourself, why don't ya!

"You're lucky with those curls! I wish I had your hair!"
"You're so blessed! I wish I had a job with vacation time like that!"
"You're so spoiled! I wish I had a close family like yours."

7. "Why...?"

How dare you ask them to explain their reasoning behind making certain choices. What good could it possibly do to talk through the reasoning process so that both people can understand the thoughts that are behind a decision? That couldn't possibly be a useful conversation to both parties, could it?

"Why do you want to get that tattoo?"
"Why are you majoring in Mandarin Chinese?"
"Why did you quit your job to move overseas?"
"Why don't you have a baby?"
"Why are you wearing that dress?"
"Why don't you eat foods containing gluten?"

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So let's all just make one big happy community of people who don't question or advise or dramatically compliment each other, because better spare someone's feelings than make another person, perhaps one you love and care about, experience an uncomfortable conversation.

I think sometimes we forget that we are each the boss of exactly one mouth, our own. And, on average, we can barely even keep that mouth under control so I'm not exactly sure what gave us the delusion that we should feel qualified to boss other people's mouths around and tell them what not to say to us.