22 March 2016

Questions I Get Asked

Here are some questions that people have asked Google. Google replied by directing them to my blog, so they must believe I have the necessary expertise to answer such queries. I'll try my best.

Question marks and capitalization added because I prefer to follow the conventions of the English language, but the questions themselves are taken directly from my Google Analytics:

"Are mermaids real say yes or no?"

At Weeki Wachee Springs State Park, yes. Everywhere else, probably not.

"Is wearing two necklaces tacky?"

No way. See this for proof. You can even wear three if you want. Or more. I'm pretty sure there's no rules about necklaces.

"What kind of noises do raccoons make?"

Scary noises. Especially if they are scratching on the foundation of your house at night and you're home alone.

"What do raspberries look like?" tiny hollow strawberries. p.s. How does one describe what a raspberry looks like? Did I do a good job?

"What to wear on parents 25th anniversary?"

A unisex t-shirt with the number "25" on it, obviously. Because it will make your mom really happy that for once, her whole family matches.

"Why do bees have stripes?"

Probably....camouflage? I think that's practically always the answer for stripes on animals. Do I look like a science teacher? Are you one of my preschoolers?

"How much time do I need for family photos?"

Add extra minutes based on number of family members and level of naughtiness/orneriness.

"Are suspenders in style 2016?"

Yes. See this for proof.

"What to do on Leap Day?"

Well...we shouldn't talk about that's gonna be another 4 years till the next one...

"Can you wear jeans to the gym?"

Yes. You can always wear jeans. I would wear them to the gym. But hey, jeans are pretty much universally useful. You can even wear them if you're taking a nap and have a kickball for a head.

"Why are thrift stores getting expensive?"

Probably because they are attached to the rest of the economic system and everything else is also getting progressively more expensive. Disappointing, right?

"Why are waffles better than pancakes?"

They aren't, pancakes are better because you don't have to figure out how to clean the waffle maker after you make them.

"Very mad in Spanish?"

bien enojada/o. Angel is the new Google translate.

"Are Chacos worth it?"

Do you like comfy shoes that will last for years? Do you want shoes that you can wear in mud and the ocean and other messy places? Then yes, they are definitely worth it.

"Is nursing school hard?"

I asked Angel the answer to this one, because I have never gone to nursing school, so I thought my answer would be inaccurate. He said, "No. It's just washing dishes." There we have it, ladies and gentlemen. Nursing school *squiggly equal sign* washing dishes. Kind of makes sense because sometimes washing dishes makes me gag, and I'm sure nursing school would, too. I don't like learning about bodies.

"So can I have your number?"


"Kodiak pancake mix where to buy?"

I always bought mine at Meijer. Maybe Target or Walmart?

"Should I go to beauty school?"

Only if you're as tough as nails. I barely made it. I had such a tough time in beauty school even my blog friends were happy for me when I graduated!
For more info, see: What Beauty School is Really Like, When Clients Make you Cry, A Rude Client, What Beauty School Taught Me.

"Why are homeschoolers so weird?"

Is your name Angel? Who else would ask such a question?


And my favorite non-question searches:

interrational dating (hahaha this a math thing?)

cute angel pictures (they probably didn't find the adorable cherubs they were expecting...)

i feel like a superhero (That's just awesome.)

pancake people (????)

stuff exploding (Also ????)

work locker pranks (I blame Angel)
Emma Beal said...

I have to disagree, waffles are better, because my waffle-making plates can go in the dishwasher.

Love the list. It made me smile.

Anonymous said...

Heehee! I love this post. And I'm pretty sure I've said it before and I'll still say it again -- that picture of all of you, with you praying, cracks me up. It's such a good picture of your family AND it's hilarious.

Unknown said...

Well, that was a charming post... It makes me want to start my own blog just so I could see what kind of questions I would get. Actually, I think about starting my own blog a lot, but I can can't think of a name that's not stupid. So I'm kinda stuck there...

Unknown said...

Oh my gosh, this is hysterical. I want to look and see what questions are bringing people to my blog! I loved your answers to the raccoons making a noise!

xo, Chelsie @ HTC

Unknown said...

totally agree pancakes are better though for me it has nothing to do with cleaning and all to do with the taste! gosh these questions are so random and so entertaining

M Writes said...

HAHAHA I will have to check what brings people to my blog. So funny,especially the interrational dating!

Sheryl at How to Make a Life said...

I'm not sure which of these made me laugh the most. Loved this list!

Cara (Kindly Unspoken) said...

Hahah this is so crazy and cool at the same time that all of these questions were directed to your blog. It's sometimes funny to see what topics people search for on the internet. I definitely agree that pancakes are better :)

Mother and Daughter said...

Cute, cute I love it when people write with humor. Good job.

Anonymous said...

It's so fun to see what brings people to our blogs! For awhile mine had things like "gifts for crazy cat ladies"...that made me laugh. Google is on to me!

Alexis @ Chemistry Cachet said...

So cute! And yes, I agree with the raspberry description! lol And yep, pancakes are why better, although my husband totally disagrees!

Beth said...

Thanks for making me smile so early today! I think matching shirts for your parents 25th anniversary is genius.

Anonymous said...

OMG Rachel! I am legit dying at this post! ! I love your sense of humor. "Can I have your number?" "No."
This is hilarious. HOW did this get directed to your blog?! I love your photo of your parents' 25th!!

Live Simple Travel Well said...

Haha, this is great. It definitely made me laugh this morning! You gotta wonder how these people end up on your blog for questions like these....but this is a great way to have fun with it!

Nikki-ann said...

It is quite funny what you can find in your Google Analytics! :D What a great idea to do for your parents 25th wedding anniversary.

Unknown said...

Haha! I needed to laugh this morning. Thank you for sharing these!

Crazy Shenanigans-JMO said...

Haha! It's always so crazy to see how people find your blog!

Becky Ginther said...

lol those totally unrelated non-questions are hilarious! I need to go to my Google Analytics now to see if there's anything good!

Unknown said...

Oh my word, this had me in stitches! I've never looked at what people search to get to my blog, but now I'm gonna!

Karin |

AnneMarie said...

Hahaha, these are fantastic. I love how someone came to you for information about bees :P I think that's an apt way to describe a raspberry. I'm divided on the pancakes vs. waffles thing. I don't like cleaning out the waffle maker (pretty sure there's waffle batter still stuck in the crevices of my machine...woops!), but there are times when I love the thrill of pooling the syrup into the little compartments, and sometimes I want more excitement than the plain shape and structure of pancakes. Pancakes are way easier and less messy to throw together, though.
Rachel, thanks for providing us all with some fun and laughter today! I also think it's great that everyone wants to hop onto their Google Analytics pages to see what we all have :P

Unknown said...

This was pretty funny! I love waffles but I have to agree with the answers here. I think it's hilarious that google linked people back to your blog for the answers to these insanely funny questions.

Michelle Anneliese said...

Haha too funny. Yeah Google searches are always interesting.

Rebecca said...

I love random questions.

I got one recently: How come I can't see the video for this audio book?

Um, I'm not sure.

Unknown said...

Waffles are better because pancakes are ≈ to sadness.

Kayla Buell said...

OMG I wanna go to Weekee Watchee so bad!! I've heard it's pretty cool!

Jenny Evans said...

I love all the questions. Now I too am curious about 'interrational dating.'

Speaking of which, how do you get this info? I have Google Analytics too, but when I pull up Acquisition>Search Engine Optimization>Queries, it tells me "This report requires Search Console integration to be enabled." I obviously haven't the slightest clue what this means. Is there an easier way?

Tayler Morrell said...

Hahahaha these are hilarious!

The Nerdy Me said...

Hahaha, this is so entertaining! I hate to agree with you, pancakes are way better! :)

-Leta | The Nerdy Me

Bree Hogan said...

I needed a good laugh late on this fine thursday, thank you!

SveetesKapes said...

Hahaha this post totally cracked me up!!! I might not agree with you on jeans being universal though, I would have a really hard time if I wore it to the gym (unless of course I was only checking out others sweat and not move a inch, LOL). And, wearing two necklaces is so in style and not tacky at all.
xx, Kusum |

Autumn @ Autumn All Along said...

This is hilarious!! Now I am trying to figure out how people found my blog via google.

Wearing two necklaces is way cool, not tacky haha. I always love reading your blog because I enjoy your humor :)

Rach said...

Haha! This is awesome! I love seeing the random things that people Google that end up leading them to my blog.

AiringMyLaundry said...

Haha. I love these. I have some crazy searches too. I get a lot of laundry searches, probably because of my blog name. I always giggle. One was 'girl angry at laundry.'

Suzanne said...

Hahahahahaha! Thanks for the laugh : P I need to look at mine.


Michelle said...

Haha!! I might have to try this, too. Brilliant.

Daniela said...

This is seriously one of the best posts I have read in a long while. Thanks for the laugh!

Farrah said...

hahahah, love these! I'm gonna have to go check out what people have asked Google that ended up leading them to my blog! :P

I've gotten "is fairyburger pregnant" in the past. D: Twas always a mystifying one for me, haha.

Unknown said...

I think you did a good job answering them! (Also of answering why your blog is called the RANDOM writings of Rachel!) :)

Journeys of The Zoo said...

You know a lot of stuff about a lot of stuff.

Off to see what Google thinks I know something about...

Besos Sarah
Journeys of The Zoo