SOCIAL MEDIA

20 September 2016

A Practical Wife

Now, that's not something I could call myself in most areas of life. I have an artist's personality--complete with strong streaks of impracticality--particularly in the areas of fashion, hobbies, hair color, and preferred foods.

But, when it comes to love and romance, I'm quite practical.

My sisters noticed a pretty vase full of flowers on my table this past weekend, and wanted to know why Angel gave me flowers. The story of how I got them is characteristic of our relationship--I was a bit mad at him for something he did, and he knew I wasn't too happy, and that he'd been a little thoughtless. He was at the grocery store, and I knew I'd be completely over it if he brought me back a little present from the store--but I also knew he'd never think of that simple solution, a quick, cheap, "I'm sorry" gift. So I texted him, "Hey, I suggest you bring me home a present from the store." He walked in the door an hour later with grocery store flowers, and all was forgiven.

Later, I asked him whether he would have thought of the idea of buying flowers if I hadn't texted him, and he said, "No, but that was a great idea! Thanks!"



When left to his own devices, Angel does stuff like buy me a rubber band ball for our first Christmas together (3 weeks after we got married). Or...wrap up a bunch of stuff I already own and give it to me for my 21st birthday.

If I weren't quite so practical, things like that would frustrate me. In fact, they did frustrate me at the moment, but the fact that he is not naturally good at buying presents is not something I'm going to let thwart me. I am very clear now with what I would like to receive for birthdays and special occasions--for this past birthday, I offered the idea of going to Japan to celebrate both of our birthdays and he thought it was a great idea, so I planned the birthday trip myself.

I could have waited in restless anticipation to see what kind of very special plan Angel would have come up with for my 25th birthday, but to do so would have been cruel, setting myself up for disappointment and him up for failure. Recognizing strengths--that between us, I'm the best at planning and surprising and celebrating and knowing what fun adventures I'd like to have in life--and acting on it, sets us both up for success and a happy marriage.

At various times, I've given him a list of the things I like, so that if he's ever inspired to buy me something or plan something fun, he has some ideas and doesn't have to start from scratch.

For us, the open relationship where I tell him when I want apology flowers and what he ought to buy for my birthday and ask him if he could plan an anniversary getaway every other year--it works well. The celebratory wife gets all the celebrations she wants and doesn't pout because he doesn't think of it himself, while the un-romantic husband doesn't struggle trying to interpret hints or clues--he has a list in his wallet of all of his lady's favorite things.

I like Angel just the way he is. Romantic, thoughtful people might not make the best prank-pulling partners. They might not name their pets Morphine and Amoxicillin. They might not give me nearly so many laughs at all the odd, forgetful, or purely random things they say, like asking complete strangers whether or not they were breastfed as an infant. Actually, I'm pretty sure a genuinely thoughtful person would NEVER ask that. He's not very thoughtful, and I like him that way--but I make sure I give him the tools he needs to help him be thoughtful when he needs to be.

29 comments :

  1. We are very similar! Jordan is really bad at buying gifts, and so now instead of expecting something secretly and getting frustrated when he doesn't deliver, I just tell him what I want and it works perfectly for both of us!

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  2. I love this! It's the opposite for us, he's amazing at getting me gifts and knowing just the most thoughtful gifts for me, but I'm the worst. He's learned, that he has to tell me what he wants or I have no idea...

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  3. I am like this. Practical to a fault. Phillip understands that I'd be annoyed if he bought me flowers ("They cost $14.99? And they'll just sit there? And then they'll die?") and that's why we work so well. My favorite gift he ever got me was an ice scraper, I'm not even joking. You kind of had to be there, but it was JUST what I needed and only he would've thought to get it for me.

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  4. Oh my husband is really bad at buying gifts. If I don't tell him exactly what I want, he has no clue what to get.
    I like how Angel wraps up stuff you already own! haha

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  5. I love this so much. It's funny, Trevor used to be super romantic when we first started dating. We were doing long distance while I was at college, and he'd have flowers delivered to my work. He used to pick me up peanut butter M&Ms (my favorite). Now that we've been living together for nearly 2 years and we've been together for almost 4 years, the romanticism has died off. But now, he does little things that are romantic to me in that I know he cares, like washing and vacuuming my car. The other day he filled up my gas tank = DAY MADE.

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  6. Awesome post! Sounds like you are a good match! There is nothing wrong with being practical thats for sure, it allows you to see what is real and appreciate the deeper real parts of a relationship. I find a lot of guys go out and buy this and that because that is what you are "suppose" to do. But that special touch is something that is sweet on a whole new level.

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  7. I love this!! I think it's so good when married couples can communicate honestly like this and practically see their strengths and weaknesses. It seems that often there's this idea that the woman needs to be coy and never say things that she wants, and that the man needs to surprise her with fancy extravagances. But really, it's important for women to straight-up communicate since their husbands need that blunt communication oftentimes, and there are plenty of women who don't want fancy extravagances. For me, it is way more meaningful if my husband picks me wildflowers or dandelions (dandelions are my favorite!) than if he paid bunches of money for store-bought flowers. Not only does he know that, but I remind him every now and then. Earlier this summer, Jacob had made a comment about needing a new toothbrush, so for our anniversary I surprised him with a brand-new toothbrush-and he was so happy!

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  8. Great post! I think it's the small thoughtful things that really make a partner romantic, not the grand gestures like flowers. I like how you communicate with your Husband and don't expect him to read your mind. So, many people do this. Open and honest communication is the way to go. :-)

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  9. This is perfect. I'll admit, I've been guilty of getting frustrated when Pearson doesn't give me something I want or do something sweet as if he can read my mind. I'm getting better though. And I definitely like him just the way he is. Why would I want to change that? Thanks for the reminder!

    P.S. I love those pictures! You are the cutest couple ever!

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  10. Love this post! Both myself and my husband aren't super romantic so I totally get where you're coming from! I've actually been in almost the same position where I've had to tell my husband he should probably pick me up something to "suck up" as I put it (mostly joking)

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  11. This is great! My hubby is the same way, but it's just who he is and I love him for it.

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  12. Have you heard of the book The Five Languages of Love? I think that's what it's called, but it talks about how different personalities love and want to be loved and no way is wrong, but it helps relationships by recognizing the different love languages. For example, I'm the opposite. I hate it when a man gives me a gift after a fight because I feel like it's buying forgiveness. But the book explains that there are no wrong ways to love or want to be loved and it's super interesting. You should check out the website you can take the free test to see what your love language is. Mine was physical, lol...yous sounds like it might be gift giving. Try it out. Wish I had written the book.

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  13. I had to learn this the hard way! (AKA being upset at my poor bewildered hubby) now I just buy myself stuff and call it good. we don't even do Christmas presents anymore (I mean, I buy myself a present "from him" it works, right?)

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  14. My husband used to be romantic, then we got married and it fizzled out over a couple of years. What would you suggest?

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  15. When we were dating in high school he was romantic and then it all ended when we got married. I wish it was the same as what it was in high school.

    xx,
    Amanda || www.fortheloveofglitter.com

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  16. I could have written this! I am so the planner/surpriser in our relationship and my husband is so not either of those. It does frustrate me sometimes, but he is so amazing in so may other ways that I try not to let it bother me. I plan lots of celebration trips too :o)

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  17. I've found that my fiancé (and men in general in my experience) don't do well with hints, so if we're upfront with them about what we need or want, you're much more likely to get it. Not guaranteed, but more likely.

    Also, every time I see someone leaving the grocery store with flowers (even if it's Valentine's Day or Mother's Day or something like that) I ALWAYS laugh and think to myself, "Ooooh. Someone's in trouble!" Lol

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  18. That is so sweet! And girl... I think you just described mine and my husband's relationship. I had to realize that instead of setting myself up for disappointment, I just need to be open and honest with him. Things are MUCH better when I change my expectations.

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  19. I love this post! Sometimes, things in the media and social media are TOO romanticized and not at all realistic. This post was so refreshing!

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  20. I agree that helping each other out is one of the hallmarks of a happy long lasting marriage. That said, after 25 years I've started to be a little more demanding about the Mr. taking on initiative on his own. So far he has done better than I could have imagined.

    bisous
    Suzanne

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  21. I'm glad you have figured that out. It does save a lot of headaches and let down feelings. Dave doesn't really love to buy me flowers all the time so I just buy them myself and I'm okay with that (most of the time). I did tell him for my birthday exactly what I wanted because I can't expect him to purchase me something if he doesn't know about it.

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  22. hahaha.. I have the a similar story here.. My husband Mark was never been the ideal romantic man i dreamed of.. For 13 years of marriage he never ever dared me to dance with him or never ever gave me flowers.. but when I'm sick he used to cook food for me.. maybe being too plain is mans natural feature.. hayyyy... well they know we, ladies will be patient with them coz we love them.. lol

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  23. Haha! I have a similar kind of husband to yours in that he's not gift oriented at all however he's also a sensitive soul and doesn't like to be suggested things because then he feels it's not authentic. He likes things to be his own idea. Which is fine in theory, but then he goes and does things like buy me the book Room to cheer me up when I was a bit down. Yes, a story about hideous abuse. Very cheerful.

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  24. AH HA HA! I wasn't mad at my fiance, but about two weeks ago I was like, you know?! Flowers every once in awhile would be nice, just saying......... And about a week later, he came over late, and brought me flowers however I didn't see them until the morning because he left them on the kitchen counter. It was super sweet, ha, even if I had to tell him --- The main thing though: he remembered THE TYPE OF FLOWER I love! ;)

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  25. Every relationship has its little rituals/routines that make it work. LOL at Angel wrapping and giving stuff that you already owned!

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  26. Your practicality is very wise. I've learned over the years from watching friends and from my own relationship that if you expect a huge gallant surprise for every holiday, you probably are not going to get it. Then you might spend your birthday upset instead of feeling special. For Christmas, I asked Nick for a necklace in the shape of Oahu and he ended up picking out the most perfect one. I had looked online but hadn't found anything that I liked. I wanted it, and I knew it would make Christmas shopping easier for him if I just told him what I wanted instead of him buying me something I didn't even want. Usually, though, I tell him to forgo gifts and we try to plan a nice trip or night out. The more practical I get, the happier I am.

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  27. Everyone has their own way to expressing love and some people are just not very good gift-givers, haah! I always start thinking of Christmas presents around now as it takes me so LONG to come up with something half as thoughtful as others get me. I'm not good with gift giving, but I'll always send something so they know I'm thinking of them.
    It's wonderful you've found something that works for you - that's a real strong relationship! :)

    Hope you're having a great weekend :)

    Away From The Blue Blog

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  28. I am perfectly fine spelling things out for Dan. I do like to receive a thoughtful gift on my birthday, but I plan all the other birthday details. It was also my idea not to exchange presents for this anniversary so we could put the money towards new photos instead. Dan is actually pretty good in the gift-giving department, but he needs direction on when gifts are required, or how to meet my emotional needs when I'm upset, and a few other things. He told me when we first met that he doesn't pick up on hints, and I've just rolled with it.

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  29. I'm still laughing about Angel wrapping up your own belongings! I love this. I've also told James he should pick me up a treat or some coffee when I'm frustrated. I've also learned not to set myself up for disappointment.

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