Here's a list of both the ridiculous and the not-so-ridiculous realities:
- Take prenatal vitamins every single day. Until you realize how expensive those are and how much you hate swallowing pills, and so you reduce taking them to every other day. And then you start forgetting, since it's no longer a daily habit, and then you don't take one for a whole week at a time, feel guilty, and then you try to restart good habits.
- Months in advance, purposefully choose to NOT book a trip to a remote Thai island for your 5th anniversary getaway, even though it sounds like quite an adventure, because it would require roughing it, plus speedboats are bumpy and not recommended for pregnant women, and you'll most likely be pregnant by then and not feel like roughing it anyways.
- Then, months later, switch and try the opposite method: purposefully DO book a trip to an amusement park where you know you won't be able to ride several of the rides if you are pregnant. The strategy is espousing Murphy's Law: the idea that but of course you will be pregnant by the time you go on said trip since the timing is inconvenient. This is a bizarrely backwards plan to attempt to get a baby by planning a trip that would be more fun if you weren't pregnant, hoping that the very fact that the trip exists will cause you to get pregnant.
- Refuse to buy any new clothes for months, because you don't want to fall in love with and get attached to clothes that you'll soon never be able to wear again, because you've been told your whole life that you'll never again be slim after you have a baby (Literally--more than once, the very first thing a stranger has said upon seeing me is, "Enjoy that figure now because you'll never get it back after you have kids!"...because that's a normal way to greet someone you've never met). After many months go by, decide that this is a rather unsustainable way to live and resume buying clothes...however the clothes that you do buy are suspiciously baggier and less form-fitting than your previous fashion sense dictated...for no apparent reason.
- Abstain from eating ham or pepperoni or bacon. Consider abstaining from fresh fruit juices, too, since they are supposed to be risky, but then decide that life without fresh fruit juice would be too sad.
- Only do 'pregnancy-safe' exercise videos from Youtube, just to be on the safe side. Bonus: They're really easy.
- Pray daily for your baby to have a "healthy body, a sound mind, and a heart that seeks wholly after the Lord."
- Daydream about the kind of announcement photo you want to take.
- Actually. Visit. Doctors. (dark scary music with thunder crash)
...............................................................
(Postscript written now)
So, yeah, basically, this is just an announcement that wishing for a baby and not getting one apparently has a side-effect of making me a wee bit crazy. It's ridiculous the number of ways I've tried to mentally control a process that can't be controlled. Also, I still believe Murphy's Law could work, even if it doesn't work every time. Don't worry about me. I'm in the process of actively convincing myself to be less crazy because devoting this much thought and energy to the normal, timeless objective of having kids is not sustainable. I want to feel normal again, to be me again, to just relax and live the life I have.
(or is this all yet another multi-layered scheme...? (more thunder))
It is very hard to plan for future events thinking there is a possibility you might be pregnant in the future. I've certainly experienced this even with things like signing up for half marathons 6 months in advance or missions trips and definitely planning vacations. You are not alone and you're not crazy! :)
Um...you're not crazy. Or maybe we're both crazy. After we got married, even though we weren't actively trying to conceive a child (we practice nfp), I wouldn't let myself drink alcohol, coffee, or tea if I thought there was even the teensiest chance I was pregnant, until my next cycle would start and I would resume my normal drinking habits. I would also, once we were at a point of trying more to conceive, think, "Okay, God, if you send us a baby this month, then he/she will have a birthday in that month" and go on and on, drawing up an elaborate scenario, thinking of being pregnant, traveling, celebrating birthdays with this future child, etc. even though I wasn't pregnant. It's just so easy to overthink babies and pregnancy and the future!
Lovely post and I particularly like the part where you mention that you should pray for your baby to wholly sound. That's really important. 👍
I really love this post! I'm recently married at not quite at the point where we want to have kids but I will definitely remember this once we are there!
I was like this too. Totally crazy. And there is a good possibility you will be able to wear all those slim fitting clothes again after you have a baby. It takes some months breastfeeding but then you can be on your old weight again. I am praying for you.
Nope, not at all crazy. Whilst I haven't experienced the exact same thing, I have however been wishing and hoping like crazy for a similarly life changing (but in a totally different way) event to happen. With all the assorted slightly-insane sounding decisions that go along with it. Now however said event is probably going to happen and I realise I prepared in completely the wrong way! Ha!
We are planning for the baby so, I am into a similar phase 😊
I love this! Waiting can be so difficult!
Praying for you! I'm sure the waiting and wanting is really hard. But sounds like you are making the best of it and having some fun! Good for you girl ;)
WHY DO PEOPLE SAY THAT! I hated that too. I mean, my body is definitely not the same after having a baby but IT'S NOT HORRIBLE EITHER. I literally hate that comment. I've had it said to me too. Its like, uh.........well.....okay then.
You're definitely not crazy, but this shows that you will have such a heart for your little one when the time comes! Patience, young grasshopper! ;)
Aww you're not crazy! I think a lot of people do these little, possibly superstitious things. Especially for something so important as getting pregnant. :) I want you to be you again, too. For your sake. I think you'll get there.
This post made me chuckle--Murphy's Law is definitely a thing. You're totally not alone in having weird rituals or quasi-superstitious quirks. I absolutely hate it when my friends tell me I'm going to be fine for an exam--I feel as if there's an expectation that I'll do well, or as if there's pressure to do well. In high school, I actually encouraged my friends to tell me I'd fail because then I took it as a challenge. It was funny because they then came up with very exotic unfortunate scenarios haha.
Anyways, I've loved keeping up with your writing--I know this grieving process is hard, but you show time and time again that you're a fighter, and that you're doing the best you can. Always keeping you in my prayers--I hope you feel more and more like yourself everyday.
imperfect idealist
Oh tough, I definitely have not been in this situation yet, because we aren't read for kiddos just yet, but I can understand how the hope and frustration battle it out as you wait. I think I would be doing a lot of the same things. hehe Good luck with everything, sometimes I hear it just takes a bit of not trying or thinking so hard.. and poof, there you go! :) XO - Alexandra
Simply Alexandra: My Favorite Things
It can be very easy to get caught up in the "what ifs" in life. The best advice my mom gave me was don't worry about tomorrow. It hasn't even happened and I would get worked up about scenarios that probably won't happen. I was living in the fear of a situation that hadn't happened. It was a daily struggle but the more I focused on today the freer I felt. You are not alone in feeling this way and it is hard to reverse it. Love your honesty!
Elizabeth Ann // www.lovedoinglife.com
*pat pat* You're definitely not crazy! There's just so much that goes into hoping/planning for a baby and so many things to do and not do! Best of luck to you two! <3 I've never really understood why random strangers feel entitled to say all kinds of ridiculous things to people if they're trying to get pregnant/when they're pregnant when it's absolutely not their business. >_> I hope you find an awesome doctor who doesn't cue that scary thunder crash! :P
This is me right now. I've done every single thing on this list and I'm glad I'm not the only one.
Haha! I love this! Thanks for sharing with us (and you aren't crazy)! I was taking pre-natals a few months before just in case, and we ended up getting pregnant right away. So crazy! I went to Disney World and rode all of the rides and also went to Jamaica (without even thinking about Zika). It all turned out fine and I'm fairly certain I get pregnant on one of those trips. Best of luck to you!!
It's been well established by other people who have commented on this post, but you are definitely not crazy. All of that - totally normal. *hugs*
All the best sweet Rachel, it is hard waiting. Seeking the Lord will give you strength.
Kathleen
Bloggers Pit Stop
I've done all of these things too. This has been such a tough process. A lot harder than I thought it would be. A friend told me the other day that I "wanted it too much" which really stung. Everyone means well, but it is so very hard. I don't really have any advice to make it all better, but I am praying for you and thinking about you!!
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