13 July 2018

Spider Encounters of the Worst Kind


I feel like all of my best stories begin with: So.

I was making cookies at my parents' house, and Cyrus and Angel were both napping at home. I ran home to check on them, and peeked into Cyrus's room where Angel was sitting on the couch, holding Cyrus, and he said to me, "Look up in the corner. There's a spider, but I don't know if it's real or fake."

I looked up, and instinctively jumped back. Yep. Spider. "Angel!" I whisper-yelled, because baby was sleeping on his chest, "Did you put that spider there?"

Angel looked at me and said, so seriously that I believed him, "I do not remember putting any spider there."

I ran to get my glasses, took one look with 20/20 vision and said, "Angel, that's a real spider."

He jumped up, ran out of the room to put the baby in his crib, leaving me to keep an eye on the spider and make sure it didn't move.

Angel still wasn't entirely convinced it was actually a real spider, but I was, because the way the legs were posed was not exactly symmetrical, and if you've seen a lot of fake spiders (anyone married to Angel sees a lot of plastic bugs), you know that the legs are almost unfailingly posed symmetrically.

Angel grabbed a mop and a broom...and his laptop and turned on Facebook Live. Because of course.

I stood outside the room holding two sandals in case the spider tried to make a break for it under the door...and that's where the video begins.

After all of this was over and the spider was safely disposed of (I suggested that he take it outside and bury it under six feet of soil, but he didn't go along with my suggestion), Angel obviously decided that the thing to do was to find his toy spider and play with it and Cyrus.

My response? Well, I'm alternating between a laid-back response of "Oh well, that sort of thing tends to happen once in a while" (????) and feeling like I'll never be able to trust my own home again after this sort of betrayal. I was just thinking the other day about when I'll feel comfortable putting Cyrus in his own room at night. The spider incident may delay that date slightly...

P.S. You may notice that in the video we call the spider a tarantula. I don't really know if it's a tarantula or not, and I don't particularly care. Mostly I'd classify this spider as the genus "I really don't want this in my house" and species "don't come back")

P.P.S. Once upon a time, Angel made me watch Arachnophobia. I do not recommend.
Amanda Bumgarner said...

I don't even know what to say here.
But I do love that you put it on video.

Michelle said...


Suzanne said...

Oh MY!!! EEEK!!! Seriously! I'd be petrified. I don't think I'd ever be able to sleep again. I couldn't even watch the video.


Unknown said...

I would have been so terrified!!!!! Though I do find Angel's reaction to the whole thing hilarious.

Unknown said...

You may need to burn the whole building down and start over again!

Sarah Shumate said...

Oh my gosh, I couldn't even watch the video because the picture was scary enough! Spiders really shouldn't be allowed to get that big. I mean, he could have been hiding poison darts beneath his belly and you wouldn't even have been able to see them. :)

rooth said...

I have goosebumps... We have ants in the house and I feel the immediate urge to move whenever I find them

Steph L said...

The fact that fake bugs/spiders are used frequently enough in your family that it being a prank was a legitimate possibility makes me so happy. :)

But in all seriousness I would be FREAKING out!! You probably need to move. :-p

Rachel ¦¦ A Nesting Nomad said...

Oooooh ok I'm normally quite good with spiders but I think I just reached my limit. That guy is huge! And just hanging out there! I also love how a) Angel hadn't noticed and b) wasn't quite sure he hadn't put it there himself. Brilliant!

Well done the both of you for dealing with the situation without having nervous breakdowns. And even though he won't remember this one, I have a feeling Cyrus is going to grow up with some great stories to tell :)

Kay R. said...

Im not afraid of spiders but that is sooo not cool lol

Moonofsilver said...

why did I read this right before bed >_<

Jenny Evans said...

I love that the first thing you look for is the symmetry of the legs and that's your tip-off that you're dealing with a real spider. Gross. Spiders don't bother me unless they appear hairy even from a good distance, and then they freak me out.

Tayler Morrell said...

I would absolutely be freaking out if that happened!

Charlene Maugeri said...

Oh my gosh. Part of me wants to watch this video but a bigger part of me does not. At all.